Some days, you wake up and realize that ten days have gone by without you really sharing what’s going on in your life with people. Maybe you don’t, I should observe. I do. Maybe you wake up and realize that you’ve never really shared what’s going on in your life with people. Or that you’ve shared every day. I used to do that. That last one.
Things have been eventful and emotional. Trying to sum up the whole week and a half is both impossible and largely irrelevant, since so much of it has been about trials and tribulations that have largely corrected or improved or at least gotten to the point where I can’t worry or care so much as I did about that one specific thing. It’s complicated and trying and ultimately probably doesn’t make very good reading. I’m going to be working a lot over the next year on making things that are very good reading. And maybe even throw in a few more photos. There’s going to be a lot to see here, methinks, so don’t get used to these ten-day droughts. Just a few more to come, then content city. Maybe.
One of the things I want to post content on will be my new apartment in Highland Park, New Jersey, a suburb of New Brunswick, home of the Rutgers team that cleaned up this past weekend. But my landlord is dragging his feet a bit and the move-in date keeps getting pushed. I’m still holding out for this weekend – if it’s not then, I’m going to feel very silly for ditching the William & Mary tournament to move, let alone having my Dad fly out here in part to help me move. Still holding out hope for not feeling silly, but we won’t know till tomorrow for sure.
The tournament was fantastic and helped convince me that I’ve made a good call in sticking around Rutgers, APDA, and even New Jersey this year. There was every reason to believe that it would still be a struggle, tinged with unhappiness and strife and newly sad memories. Instead, the tournament was roughly the exact opposite, punctuated with great camaraderie among both new and old on the team, great reconnecting with APDA comrades, a marvelously fun demo round with Joel, and moments of real happiness for the first time in possibly two months. ‘Twas amazing. The fact that I could muster all that in the first tournament of the year under present circumstances was a huge ratification and endorsement of recent decisions. I may never believe in any of my long-term decisions again, let alone trust myself, but I’m going to run with what I learned last weekend.
Then we had the “Bachelorette Party” for Ariel, whose wedding is almost upon us, and then my Dad came into town. We’ve been working through the apartment, the burgeoning reality of my situation, and years’ worth of accumulation. I’ve been trying to eat and sleep when possible. Yesterday was really tough. Today was much better. Tomorrow, I’m hoping, will be at least as good as today.
I like this space better when I can be poetic, when I can illustrate the whole world in a poignant vignette or reflection. But I’ll take this too, especially when I haven’t been heard from in a while. I’m here, I’m hanging in, some days are even not terrible. I’m not willing to say that time is running its course or anything that overly positive, but at least things are looking the least bit up. Sideways? Maybe microscopically up.
It’s enough for today. Maybe I lost the person who made me a grateful person, but I can still try to find grace in a little corner of each rotation of the Earth.