I talk a lot about the 85% rule, which states that at any given time, 85% of all people are idiots, or mailing it in, or both.

But rarely do succinct manifestations get mailed to my door:

[portions redacted by recipient]

I’m not sure we should be so hasty, PSE&G. Do you really want to take this out of Unknown Unknown’s name so quickly when they’ve been such a loyal customer?

Also, what exactly is your current mailing address on file for Unknown Unknown? Arlington National Cemetery, perhaps?

Which begs the question of why you would send this notice to the old mailing address. I look forward to next week, when I will receive a bill for $3,521.89 at this address, representing the total accrued costs for Unknown Unknown’s use of electricity.

I am tempted to call them and claim to be Unknown Unknown, requesting service in my new location. In the meantime, I should go frame shopping.