For some reason, April 8th has been a date that has stuck out in my mind like a sore thumb. I’ve never quite had a great handle on why this is the case. There are certain inherent numeric properties to the day that make it naturally interesting, but it’s way more than that. I’ve worked on a lot of theories in the last decade about specific days and time being charged in some ways, at least as much as places are. And after all, time is a place in the universe because of planetary orbits. Some of this should be review, and I don’t have a ton of time to write this post this morning.
I’m trying to recall if there was some super-significant April 8th in my childhood. I sort of feel there must’ve been. Although I paid less attention to this sort of stuff then and managed to not even put together the incredible slumpiness of April/May until pretty late in the game. Life is nothing if not persistent.
8 April 2000: In the wake of the Try Before You Buy disaster, I head to New York City for one of my two losing records (both 2-3) in my APDA career, at CCNY Pro-Ams. I was an emotional wreck, as captured by this Introspection line: “Most of the tournament on Friday, it seemed people couldn’t determine if my eyes were watering from my cold or if I’d been crying. I was among those people.” To put the cap on the day, miscommunication led to me spending hours in the Broome Street lobby, listening to music that seemed to be narrating to me why I would always be alone.
8 April 2001: Another day of waiting, this time in a bus-stop for the next girlfriend at the time. The relationship’s final blow would prove to be my very blog, perhaps for posts like this (which was from April 9th, but reflecting on how the 8th had felt): “Ah, doubt. Bane of existence. It creeps in, like April malaise, tugging at possibilities in an eerie & unsettling fashion. I wish I could bannish my own musings & sit patiently with contentedness but it never seems to quite satisfy. Why am I reminded of a long-ago argument with Schneider when he jestingly told Fish & I that we keep buying new shoes – the WE lacked the loyalty to stick with something. & I just put in new laces to an old pair, too – literally.” The whole weekend meandered in self-doubt and I remembered pointing back to certain conclusions drawn that weekend that would ultimately lead to the temporary (and then permanent) end my last unsuccessful relationship.
8 April 2002: A pretty bright April 8th, wherein I compiled what then set a record for traffic at the Blue Pyramid, the May Madness of APDA project about a hypothetical design for the Nationals tournament. APDA became captivated by the idea heading into a momentous Nationals weekend where many things went tumultuously poorly, but I proposed to Emily.
8 April 2003: “The 8th of April always seems to be a BIG day. More on this later.” Ironically one of the least significant April 8ths, but the Iraq War was brand new and dominating my view of reality. Everything seemed momentous and charged at a time that looked like the breaking point for a short war. So it goes. Shortly thereafter, I posted another May Madness and returned to Boston for the first time since graduating to judge at ‘Deis Nats.
8 April 2004: In the midst of working at Seneca and contemplating my annual April malaise, I become focused on the problems with antidepressants and how they tend to make people’s lives worse. Shortly thereafter, I become mired in some aspects of my own past: “In transferring some files from old computer to new, I discovered my archive of saved AOL-IM conversations of yore. Just browsing them was painful. In reviewing a couple of conversations, it occurred to me how many times a pleasant conversation turned to something hostile just because of how poorly emotions are conveyed via AOL-IM. I’ve had bouts with thinking about returning to the world of away messages & little dings, but these archives set me back on course every time.”
8 April 2005: The only line from this day is a mix of awareness of this post’s theme and more chilling prophecy, showing just how thorough my warning was for the events that would unfold in May: “I remember when the 8th of April just stuck out in my mind as a pivotal day of sorts. I feel things swirling as being pivotal, but today just seemed mired in the same old mud. At least I’m talking it out, looking for conclusions, trying to find a viable escape…” The moral of the story, at least as much as anything, is to quit bad jobs before they quit you.
8 April 2006: A surprise return to judge at Nationals (shortly after a 3rd May Madness posting) results in an intense colliding of worlds. Late in the day, a sixth round bubble proves to be the best round I’ve ever seen in my life… “Best round I’ve ever judged. I wish I had been able to tape that sixth round, so I could hand a copy of that tape to anyone who thinks the circuit has declined. The circuit is always great, & always has great rounds & speakers at the top level. & they even kept to time! A truly euphoric round.” The next day would yield some disappointing break rounds, but be followed by one of the all-time greatest ‘Deis team dinners.
8 April 2007: Mesco & Afsheen’s wedding reception crosses over midnight into this day and proves to be a fantastic time. Their reception is really just pizza, foosball, and hanging out in a hotel lounge, which is both emblematic of them and something that everyone would’ve chosen over most any other kind of reception. Our whirlwind trip to Atlanta wraps up and dumps us back on the doorstep of reality, shortly before the emotionally observed passing of Kurt Vonnegut.
Looking at them threaded together like that, it seems that the significance of April 8th is as much in my head as it is in reality. There are good ones and bad ones, significant ones and mild regular days. It’s good to check one’s samples like this sometimes. What I can tell you is that the feeling of apprehensive significance is always there, always the same. I can’t tell you why, especially looking through the above, but I search my feelings and I know it to be true.
