Maybe You're Right
(19-28 October 2002)

28 October 2002
-Interesting selections for this week's searches.  People asked about Howie Epstein, Charlton Heston (twice), 400 Broome Street, & what temperature things freez (sic).  I dunno what temperature at which our friend Matty Frese starts to take over, but I do know where you can find this week's winners.
-I think I get more tired than I used to.
-Nowhere, save for perhaps 1-on-1 conversations & a handful of heartfelt e-mails, do I see the kind of consistent honesty & passionate eloquence that I see in web-based journals.  For all the flack they receive, doing a run of the blogs that I read will almost always reveal some kernel of profound expression that people just never share publicly in other forums.  You can say you're sad that they don't do it more often to the faces of the crowd (I'll say it with you), but at least in these pages there's a whisper of that exposition, & some really beautiful moments get captured for as long as these circuits are running.

27 October 2002
-I need to archive this page.  & e-mail lots of folks.  But I'm almost as upset as Gris & Em about the World Series (I mean, not quite really... I haven't been rooting for the Giants since birth like those 2) & I'm just kinda weary.  So communication will come.  But for now...
-Sometimes ya just need a break.

26 October 2002
-Thanks to the fine fine people at Counting Crows dot com, Stina, Ariel, Emily, & I are all seeing said Crows in SF on 17 December!  I daresay woot!
-Watching my favorite NL (& Em's favorite overall) team throw away a 5-0 lead in game 6 of the World Series:  hopeless.

25 October 2002
-Some things, however, make it a longer October than it really needs to be...
-Emily joins myself & several others in believing "The Blair Witch Project" to be not so much with the scary.  Consequently, she believes the rocks-on-the-doorstep idea to be just fine.

24 October 2002
-Just as Lucent Technologies, the stock Schneider & Fish used to covet when it was worth seventy bucks a share, is fighting delisting at the stock exchange, so might Lauren & Zimmy soon be fighting delisting at Blue Pyramid People.  No updates in a month?  C'mon!  Where's the glory in that?
-This is the longest month in history.  An October for the ages.

23 October 2002
-Last night, the individual who has hurt me most in this lifetime finally came clean, disclosing fairly close to fully the motives & causes behind just about everything junior year in high school.  I have numerous reactions to this, & it's been a very emotional twelve hours for me.  Ultimately, it's extremely positive.  But it's somewhat shocking & difficult to face all at once.  I'm just overwhelmed, with a gobstopper of emotions, but primarily of relief.  I have been quite skeptical about this for some time, & convinced that I would never get any resolution for this situation for more than five years.  & while the pain isn't over, it looks like it finally can see the beacon in the fog, beckoning it towards a final healed resting place.  Because so much of this situation was shrouded in deceit & cover-ups & denial that I was telling the truth, my gut reaction is to post the entire e-essay of revelation to the world.  This would be highly inappropriate, given the personal & serious nature of much of the content of what was brought to light.  But I'm only human & must offer a section of it to the world, if only for my own vindication, if only to quiet some of the skeptics, if only to pinch myself & show that this is real... "I cut things off because I knew that continuing to lie was self-destructive and would further harm you.  I did not think you capable of forgiving me.  I was sure that you would hate me and want nothing to do with me.  I took the opportunity of leaving the country with my family in order to cut off contact with you.  I was too ashamed and cowardly to confront you directly, so I told people that we had simply broken up.  My parents were happy to hear that I had moved on, so they encouraged me not to contact you.  THey thought that we had had some sort of conversation in which we ended things.  Thus began the myth that you were carrying around irrational bitterness about a failed high school relationship.  I knew that it was more than that, but I allowed my friends to believe that.  Nobody on my side of the fence, therefore, could understand why you were so resentful toward me.  Spitting on my car, creating a hurtful name for me, etc seemed like the ravings of someone unable to get over a relationship.  They didn't know that I never spoke with you about ending our relationship.  I am so very sorry for not having the courage to come to you with the truth and to let you decide how to handle our relationship."

22 October 2002
-Emily & I have started a new Fantasy Basketball League.  If you want to join us, send me an e-mail & I'll give you the dirt.  It should be fun, especially since I've never done a head-to-head league before & I've always wanted to.  Woohoo!

21 October 2002
-The person asking why didn't gandhi win the nobel? this week asks a great question.  I wish I had the answer.  The person who wants to know about going rim-to-rim-to-rim in a day is just plain crazy.  At least if they intend to take a backpack they are.  But this week's winners at Search of the Week are all about the old 'Deisians.  Take a look.
-It's great waking up to having a job to go to.

20 October 2002
-Everyone should go see "Bowling for Columbine", the new Michael Moore documentary.  There is very little that is not excellent about this movie.  It could use slightly more focus in certain places, but otherwise it's a stunning portrayal of the realities, ironies, & general insanities that are America.  Wow.

19 October 2002
-Sigh.  I just need to think.

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