Patterns
(26 July - 4 August 2001)
4 August
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Here's a word that's VITAL for everyone to learn &
understand
before they move on with their day: Fiction. FICTION. It ain't
real, it's
imagined.
-& now for a little NON-fiction: 3, "Original Sin"
opens in theaters;
4/5, the first Moody Blues concerts in Albuquerque since 1997; 6, 21. With
regards
especially to 3, "I care enough that I'm mad that half the world don't even
know what
they could've had.".
3 August
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Anyone else get the new AOLIM update & think it's
mostly
lame-o?
-I feel like I have so little to do! It's still a week before
Ariela gets out
here & threeish before going back to Beantown. My one project for the
summer's
complete. Crazy. There's just nothing left for me to focus on, which
is what summer
kinda should be about, but I feel a wee bit aimless. Hm. I guess I'll
just have
to have fun & savor what could be my last month in ABQ for quite a
while.
2 August
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Yesterday, I went & had just a handful of copies made
of ye old
"Loosely Based". So those'll hopefully all get distributed today.
Woo!
-In other news, I'm going to have furniture next year. Also
woo!
-I am
about a day away from some authentic time off. After editing the whole book
in 48 hours
& now distributing, that's good news too.
-Okay, I just HAVE to post this,
because, well, I do. Ever hear me talk about
misspelling words? If you have, you'll know pretty soon that the word I NEVER
expect to
spell right in my life again is "occasionally" (YES, I literally just
plugged that into
MSWorks spellcheck to have any clue how to spell it). I HATE the word &
wish it would
just go away, or become respelled with something like "mooooo".
Frustration city.
The reason this is especially relevant now is that one of Mesco's random
friends has a
journal that I've been (DARE I SAY OCCASIONALLY?!) reading, uh, once in a while,
& that's
what HER entry is all about today! Go
read it!
This creeped me out so much I just had to discuss it. Much better
now.
-Also, demerits to Mesco herself for taking out history to the woodshed
again. It makes having a static top to this page impossible!!
-Grrr.
THIS is why you should stop at stop signs, even in residential neighborhoods.
Some idiot (& he was 40ish & had his family in the car, so he should
REALLY know
better!!) almost rammed me today running through a stop sign. It was a 2-way
(his way)
stop in my neighborhood, & I was in the middle of the intersection when he just
kept
cruising into me. It's like if you don't see the big RED STOP SIGN, maybe you
see the
big GREEN CAR YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT. He did, but just barely, & it really
got me riled
up. As you can see.
1 August 2001
[from Albuquerque]
-The longest day ever. Also, one of the best.
31 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Bluck. Still feeling all that badness in the ol'
gut.
-The good thing about having bad days around now is that they're not TOO
bad when I think
about the summer as a whole. It's relieving, even though annoying to be set
back.
30 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Revision's a little grueling, but at least it's going
fairly smoothly.
More than anything, I'm surprised at what I don't remember. I'm still
laughing at
some early-chapter jokes. I'd imagine I'm only a couple days from being very
sick of this
work, but by then, with luck, I'll be sending out copies & taking a break
myself.
-So I've been really queasy & nauseous for about 48 hours now.
Ick. Problem
is, it feels like a lot of nervous tension, but I'm not nervous about ANYthing.
In fact,
I'm less nervous than I've been in ages, what with just finishing the novel.
It's like the
pre-Chicago feeling (circa March '00), but withOUT any of the mental/emotional
feeling.
Just a rotten-feeling gut.
29 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-257 & it's downright terrifying to be this close to
being done.
I want to write more tonight, but I've just been pacing for a while, so
we'll just see.
The thing is, I'm getting to those scenes that I've been thinking about the
longest;
the culminating scenes that I first mentally developed in May but now are about to
take their
full shape. & it's crazy, because these will just write themselves since
I've spent
so much time thinking about them. But I'm inexplicably nervous because it's
all so close
& REAL. I was really worried when I thought I wouldn't finish, but now
that I'm within
a handful of days of finishing, I'm all nerves. It's all just too
unbelievable, is all.
I mean, I'm the one who TALKS about novels for years. I'm about to be
the one who
actually finishes one? & in about 2+ months of first draft time?
Holy
crudbuckets.
-Right now at my future
home, there's
this standard-issue dorky "under construction" thingy. But
hopefully in the
next day or so, it'll link automatically to the Pond!
-DONE!
-See
above.
-No really, I just went & finished it. In one of my
more inspired mornings of writing lifetime so far, I just completed the novel.
The first
draft, anyway. I can't describe what I'm feeling now, but I'm amazed.
Stunned.
Good God. The final tally is 270 pages (89,319 words). Part Two ended
up being
much more short & quick-hitting than I thought, but it works much better this
way, I
believe. Obviously revision will be a big factor. But believe it or no,
I just
finished a novel. Finally. 21 & a half years of waiting for this.
Wow.
Oh my wow.
-It's all awfully surreal.
-"Beauty walks a razor's
edge, someday I'll make it mine..."
28 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Well, yesterday turned out to be oldies day.
Oldies, without
any real contact. First off, I saw the Buick (yes, I'm sure it was THE
Buick... I'd
recognize the pattern of the roof rust marks anywhere) around Lead & Bryn
Mawr. But
I did not stop to talk to whoever's driving (or at least parking) the old Buick
these days.
Then I saw Becky (formerly Lancaster, now married) & her husband in line
at the
Century Rio, but they got away before I could talk to them without making a scene
that woulda
been strange for both her husband & DK, as well as probably her & I.
It's been
YEARS since we've had any contact. & I was in Massachusetts during her
wedding, which
I was invited to (this invite being the last contact). I spent much of the
rest of the
night feeling bad for not going to say
hey. I still kinda do. What's going on with all these old-school
sightings? It's
actually a little eerie, like this is all preparation for some major change.
Not quite that
my life's obscurer side is flashing before me, but, well, a little, y'know?
Shrug.
-&
it's a good thing that JP didn't stick around with DK & I to see "Planet
of the Apes",
because DK & I ended up having a little movie marathon at CR24, seeing
"America's
Sweethearts" as well so we could see the 10:40 "Apes" (earliest
time not sold
out circa 8pm) without leaving the theater. Dubious maybe, but fun.
Now I don't
need to see movies for a WHILE. Well, except the one I do need to see that
comes out
not so far down the road. Yeah. Both films were about the typical
worth-seeing
Hollywood fare, though DK & I made fun of the lack of character development in
the latter
film all the way home.
-The melancholy from a couple days back is still sorta
here,
compounded by some weird stuff that I don't really wanna get into. Suffice
it to say that
I keep feeling extremely disconnected from people or "the norm".
This is anything
but unusual, but it always gets to me. & so I just sorta feel a little
sad. It's
familiar, at least.
-Shawshank was on TNT tonight, so of COURSE I had to see it
(probably my sixth or
seventh viewing in the seven years it's existed). This reminds me that I
don't have my
top ten list of films on this website. Ah well. If #1 ever changes from
Shawshank,
I'd be shocked. I can't imagine a movie that could even contend. Wow.
Every
time, wow.
27 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-Have I mentioned yet that the APDA
site is back? I know I have, but I just wanna make sure y'all know.
Because it's
gonna start looking really spiffy. It'll be fun, I promise. But first
Schteino's
gotta get me the files from the old site, so we have some institutional
memory.
-& as if
I weren't now webmastering enough, I went ahead, bit the bullet, & registered
my domain name
of the future. Well, MY future at least. Though all the ink's a little
wet on the
transaction (gotta make sure no one else in the world chose 27 July 2001 to
register the SAME
name!), www.bluepyramid.org will be my long-term home. Eventually, all this
stuff will
be moving over there. I plan to make the move gradual, which is why I reg'ed
now, but won't
probably get webspace for a few months yet. Obviously, you'll be posted
throughout the
transition.
26 July
2001
[from Albuquerque]
-YAY! The triumph of history! Mesco has kept
the Archives!
Rock on. I'm working on the requested changes, but I'm not saying
you'll like
what I put up there instead any better...
-After 7 hours of chess & food
(lots of food...
stomach sez ugh) at the Frontier tonight, I'm considering taking my first night
off from writing
since Part Two began. Look, I've typed 48 pages in 7 days... I can take a
break, right?
I'm just tired...
-Late July seems like a good time for accomplishments.
See last
year. Different, but not night & day really.
-I am not of this
species. But also, "Brave New World" has already come
true. See it not as a fearsome warning about a future time, but a slightly
optimistic
documentary of the world around us.
-"Losing Streak" was an apt tape
for tonight: "I've got my reasons
& to me they're all true, I wouldn't change them, not even for you";
"Feel like
talking to someone but I just don't know who"; "You don't know how it
feels to be
me". This is why I make these tapes.
Introspection, My Worst
Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old
Frontiers",
by SWClayton.