(26 July - 4 August 2001)
-Here's a word that's VITAL for everyone to learn & understand before they move on with their day: Fiction. FICTION. It ain't real, it's imagined.
-& now for a little NON-fiction: 3, "Original Sin" opens in theaters; 4/5, the first Moody Blues concerts in Albuquerque since 1997; 6, 21. With regards especially to 3, "I care enough that I'm mad that half the world don't even know what they could've had.".
-Anyone else get the new AOLIM update & think it's mostly lame-o?
-I feel like I have so little to do! It's still a week before Ariela gets out here & threeish before going back to Beantown. My one project for the summer's complete. Crazy. There's just nothing left for me to focus on, which is what summer kinda should be about, but I feel a wee bit aimless. Hm. I guess I'll just have to have fun & savor what could be my last month in ABQ for quite a while.
-Yesterday, I went & had just a handful of copies made of ye old "Loosely Based". So those'll hopefully all get distributed today. Woo!
-In other news, I'm going to have furniture next year. Also woo!
-I am about a day away from some authentic time off. After editing the whole book in 48 hours & now distributing, that's good news too.
-Okay, I just HAVE to post this, because, well, I do. Ever hear me talk about misspelling words? If you have, you'll know pretty soon that the word I NEVER expect to spell right in my life again is "occasionally" (YES, I literally just plugged that into MSWorks spellcheck to have any clue how to spell it). I HATE the word & wish it would just go away, or become respelled with something like "mooooo". Frustration city. The reason this is especially relevant now is that one of Mesco's random friends has a journal that I've been (DARE I SAY OCCASIONALLY?!) reading, uh, once in a while, & that's what HER entry is all about today! Go read it! This creeped me out so much I just had to discuss it. Much better now.
-Also, demerits to Mesco herself for taking out history to the woodshed again. It makes having a static top to this page impossible!!
-Grrr. THIS is why you should stop at stop signs, even in residential neighborhoods. Some idiot (& he was 40ish & had his family in the car, so he should REALLY know better!!) almost rammed me today running through a stop sign. It was a 2-way (his way) stop in my neighborhood, & I was in the middle of the intersection when he just kept cruising into me. It's like if you don't see the big RED STOP SIGN, maybe you see the big GREEN CAR YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT. He did, but just barely, & it really got me riled up. As you can see.
1 August 2001
-The longest day ever. Also, one of the best.
-Bluck. Still feeling all that badness in the ol' gut.
-The good thing about having bad days around now is that they're not TOO bad when I think about the summer as a whole. It's relieving, even though annoying to be set back.
-Revision's a little grueling, but at least it's going fairly smoothly. More than anything, I'm surprised at what I don't remember. I'm still laughing at some early-chapter jokes. I'd imagine I'm only a couple days from being very sick of this work, but by then, with luck, I'll be sending out copies & taking a break myself.
-So I've been really queasy & nauseous for about 48 hours now. Ick. Problem is, it feels like a lot of nervous tension, but I'm not nervous about ANYthing. In fact, I'm less nervous than I've been in ages, what with just finishing the novel. It's like the pre-Chicago feeling (circa March '00), but withOUT any of the mental/emotional feeling. Just a rotten-feeling gut.
-257 & it's downright terrifying to be this close to being done. I want to write more tonight, but I've just been pacing for a while, so we'll just see. The thing is, I'm getting to those scenes that I've been thinking about the longest; the culminating scenes that I first mentally developed in May but now are about to take their full shape. & it's crazy, because these will just write themselves since I've spent so much time thinking about them. But I'm inexplicably nervous because it's all so close & REAL. I was really worried when I thought I wouldn't finish, but now that I'm within a handful of days of finishing, I'm all nerves. It's all just too unbelievable, is all. I mean, I'm the one who TALKS about novels for years. I'm about to be the one who actually finishes one? & in about 2+ months of first draft time? Holy crudbuckets.
-Right now at my future home, there's this standard-issue dorky "under construction" thingy. But hopefully in the next day or so, it'll link automatically to the Pond!
-No really, I just went & finished it. In one of my more inspired mornings of writing lifetime so far, I just completed the novel. The first draft, anyway. I can't describe what I'm feeling now, but I'm amazed. Stunned. Good God. The final tally is 270 pages (89,319 words). Part Two ended up being much more short & quick-hitting than I thought, but it works much better this way, I believe. Obviously revision will be a big factor. But believe it or no, I just finished a novel. Finally. 21 & a half years of waiting for this. Wow. Oh my wow.
-It's all awfully surreal.
-"Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine..."
-Well, yesterday turned out to be oldies day. Oldies, without any real contact. First off, I saw the Buick (yes, I'm sure it was THE Buick... I'd recognize the pattern of the roof rust marks anywhere) around Lead & Bryn Mawr. But I did not stop to talk to whoever's driving (or at least parking) the old Buick these days. Then I saw Becky (formerly Lancaster, now married) & her husband in line at the Century Rio, but they got away before I could talk to them without making a scene that woulda been strange for both her husband & DK, as well as probably her & I. It's been YEARS since we've had any contact. & I was in Massachusetts during her wedding, which I was invited to (this invite being the last contact). I spent much of the rest of the night feeling bad for not going to say hey. I still kinda do. What's going on with all these old-school sightings? It's actually a little eerie, like this is all preparation for some major change. Not quite that my life's obscurer side is flashing before me, but, well, a little, y'know? Shrug.
-& it's a good thing that JP didn't stick around with DK & I to see "Planet of the Apes", because DK & I ended up having a little movie marathon at CR24, seeing "America's Sweethearts" as well so we could see the 10:40 "Apes" (earliest time not sold out circa 8pm) without leaving the theater. Dubious maybe, but fun. Now I don't need to see movies for a WHILE. Well, except the one I do need to see that comes out not so far down the road. Yeah. Both films were about the typical worth-seeing Hollywood fare, though DK & I made fun of the lack of character development in the latter film all the way home.
-The melancholy from a couple days back is still sorta here, compounded by some weird stuff that I don't really wanna get into. Suffice it to say that I keep feeling extremely disconnected from people or "the norm". This is anything but unusual, but it always gets to me. & so I just sorta feel a little sad. It's familiar, at least.
-Shawshank was on TNT tonight, so of COURSE I had to see it (probably my sixth or seventh viewing in the seven years it's existed). This reminds me that I don't have my top ten list of films on this website. Ah well. If #1 ever changes from Shawshank, I'd be shocked. I can't imagine a movie that could even contend. Wow. Every time, wow.
-Have I mentioned yet that the APDA site is back? I know I have, but I just wanna make sure y'all know. Because it's gonna start looking really spiffy. It'll be fun, I promise. But first Schteino's gotta get me the files from the old site, so we have some institutional memory.
-& as if I weren't now webmastering enough, I went ahead, bit the bullet, & registered my domain name of the future. Well, MY future at least. Though all the ink's a little wet on the transaction (gotta make sure no one else in the world chose 27 July 2001 to register the SAME name!), www.bluepyramid.org will be my long-term home. Eventually, all this stuff will be moving over there. I plan to make the move gradual, which is why I reg'ed now, but won't probably get webspace for a few months yet. Obviously, you'll be posted throughout the transition.
-YAY! The triumph of history! Mesco has kept the Archives! Rock on. I'm working on the requested changes, but I'm not saying you'll like what I put up there instead any better...
-After 7 hours of chess & food (lots of food... stomach sez ugh) at the Frontier tonight, I'm considering taking my first night off from writing since Part Two began. Look, I've typed 48 pages in 7 days... I can take a break, right? I'm just tired...
-Late July seems like a good time for accomplishments. See last year. Different, but not night & day really.
-I am not of this species. But also, "Brave New World" has already come true. See it not as a fearsome warning about a future time, but a slightly optimistic documentary of the world around us.
-"Losing Streak" was an apt tape for tonight:  "I've got my reasons & to me they're all true, I wouldn't change them, not even for you"; "Feel like talking to someone but I just don't know who"; "You don't know how it feels to be me". This is why I make these tapes.
Introspection, My Worst
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.