A Most Peculiar Man
(6-15 June 2001)
15 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-I got a Tetris high score early this
morning & put in the
"Cool Quote" section of the high-score list "Beware
the Ides of June". I've been getting better
at Tetris lately & I think that's an indication that my mind
is bubbling over. JP &
I were talking about relaxing methods yesterday... oddly enough he
declared that exercising
is one for him! & by that he means using something like
the Bowflex that his parents
just bought & I helped (not really) set up. Tetris is
relaxation, not snapping your
arms in half!
-From my Dad, a Google web search reveals
that the word "police" shares 22.2 thousand web pages
with the word "donuts".
We both found that plenty amusing.
-After discussions
with both Ariela & Stina, it
would seem that "individual" is a really misleading
& sporadic word. Clearly
the philosophy of individualISM is distressing, but the idea of
"being an individual"
(now that's a cliche gone meaningless from overuse) is probably
more positive than not, especially
when we see what morons most people are. 50 million
Americans are wrong every day. So
where are we left? Only an individual can provide the change
necessary for society? But
that change is so contingent on a societal perspective, not an
individual one! Curses!
The paradoxes, as always, are legion.
14 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-Coming back from Eliaii-Bumpkin's (I've
taken to calling him
"Bumpy" of late), I was stopped at the Central & Rio
Grande light. This was
about 4 in the morning today, just a few minutes ago.
Anyway, I was the ONLY person around,
given that it's a Thursday morning & all. I sat there
for about 45-60 seconds, clearly
not triggering the light, wondering what was going on. After
another 30 seconds, this
other car comes eastbound on Central (to my right) & is racing
for the intersection. At
this point I'm considering turning right (pulling a Vet!) from the
left-turn-only lane after
this person goes through the intersection because I'm sure it's
like the old 2nd & Osuna
light was. Lo & behold, just as the other car is almost
in the intersection, her
light goes yellow & she has to stop. I finally get my
green, apparently triggered by
the presence of a car wanting to go the OTHER way. I write
all this at such length to show
that the ironies & quirks presented in my novel (again, you'll
get to read it in August) are
just not that amazing, & in fact more mundane than the daily
twists we all experience in
life. Or maybe just the interesting quirks, with or without
significance. You get
the picture.
-That's also, by the way, the last I'll likely see
of the Bumpkin till December
at the outset. Playing chess with him & DK was funny at
the Frontier... it's like
they're always shocked when I do decently. I had to beat
them in Risk & Bridge for
that.
13 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-I know you hate birthdays, John, but
happy 21! We have to find a
way to celebrate that doesn't involve you being 21, if you catch
my drift.
-From DK, according to
this
article, there
is some hope for our generation. Go us. Though DK
himself doesn't look upon this with
as much enthusiasm as I do. & there is some confusion
about the term "soul mate"
prevalent in this article... they seem to assume a Fish-like
"THE ONE" concept which
even I find distressing. I really don't think that 1 in 3
billion is what most people mean
by "soul mate".
-I need just a bit more discipline.
But what else is new?
12 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-Well, an older tape ("The Crisp
Slicing of Destiny") seems
to have some eerie links to recent discussions my Dad & I have
been having about the past.
I never was sure exactly what that tape was about, & now
I'm a little
worried.
-I think I have a working title for my novel... not a
guaranteed title yet, but
certainly a working: "Loosely Based". Dunno
if I like it, but it's good
enough for now. Anyway, I've finally figured out how to pull
out of my slump in writing,
so I think the revitalization starts tonight. I've only
added about 1500 words in the last
4-5 days, but that's soon to be history. By July, I want at
least 50k.
-Bleh.
11 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-People are taking the
fantasy
baseball league WAYYY too
seriously. It's a game! It adds to FUN! But when
I try to be good-natured,
people like Scotty just come back with anger. Russ & I
talk big, but we're not ANGRY.
& I'm never sure with Freez. But everyone could
just simmer down a
little.
-It's time to refocus. Big-time.
-The sign at
Waffle House today said "Now Hiring" on one line,
"Steak &
Eggs" on the next, & "$5.75" on the
third. From the looks of it, this
was the starting wage for off-the-street steak & eggs that
would volunteer their services.
I felt like walking in & saying "Yeah, I'm here for
my steak interview. I'm
sure there's not much for you to take, but
hey...". Given recent discussions of
egg-donating, though, maybe all that isn't quite so crazy.
-Who
am I kidding thinking
someone's ever gonna understand me? Let's be
reasonable. I'll be lucky if I find
someone who doesn't think I'm a little blue pyramid. I think
that when Brandeis kicks me
off this server, I'm going to go register littlebluepyramid.org
& make that my new website.
I'm actually pretty serious about that.
10 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-Back. & rather
tired. Schneider & I put in about
14 miles total in the Pecos, hiking up to Stewart Lake & back,
mostly yesterday. We
camped in this really nice meadow halfway up the trail, but the
moon was bright as a spotlight
which made sleeping uncomfortable. JP also gotten eaten
alive by mosquitoes, something that
I was almost completely unscathed for... strange. I guess
they just liked John's blood
better.
9 June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-So Schneider (& Kunx
& Eli-Bumpkin) just left a few minutes ago.
The funny thing is, Johnny'll be back in, what, six hours to
pick me up for our camping
trip? Woohoo.
-The novel's been more or less on pause for
about 48 hours (only 500
words in that time), as I deal with lethargy & the biggest
blockade to its writing so far,
which is really only a minor technicality. It's a process
more than a real stumping.
The main point is that when I get over this technicality,
I'll be home free till Part 2,
& maybe beyond. (If you didn't know, the novel comes in
2 parts with a small prologue.)
Nothing to worry about, except it being too long, but that's
not looking like a bad thing
yet.
-E-mail these days has been funky to try to
write... nothing much is going on other
than hangin' out a bit & writing a lot (above commentary
excepted). I eat at the Frontier.
I live the 'Querque life. The variance of day-to-day
correspondence is not terribly
significant, mefears.
-Leaving for the mountains; should be back
tomorrow...
8
June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-Maybe I got too worried too fast. I
don't know how often I do
that, but this time, that's what it looks like.
-I'm so close
to the breakthrough I need.
Really really darn close. The hairy edge.
-Camping
this weekend should be great.
Revisiting old times, if nothing else.
-Well, after
bowling worse than perhaps ever before a few days back, I turned
around &
put up some of my best scores in years, opening with a 173 & a
187, en route to a 160
average over 5 games. I could learn to get used to
that. My wrist'll be sore
tomorrow, though, fresh in time for the trip.
-This lethargy's
gotta go.
7
June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-Another Mortality Day behind
me. Woohoo.
-I was talking to my
Mom about a variety of things (over chips & guacamole, no
less!), & came upon the
discovery that she actually thinks I've matured a lot since
graduating high school. I
pressed her on this & most of what ended up seeming
substantive was that I'm somehow
calmer, & possibly can deal with more. Kinda
interesting, because I guess it's truer
than I thought, but is that maturity? I still feel 18,
& just barely 18 at
that.
-From the Random But Darned Amusing Files, I was doing
some random web-typing while
talking to my Dad just a few minutes ago & ended up stumbling
upon
moohaha.org, which is nothing
special in & of itself.
However, I perused the girl's (it's a personal site) weblog
(as these things like this
page seem to be called nowadays), just because weblogs capture my
curiosity. Then I read
her March 23rd entry & almost fell over. The entry, in
full, is as follows:
"i'm freaking out again about how many random people
read this. this was supposed to
just be a small 'lil thing for my friends. but technically, total
strangers could know
everything about my life just by reading this. i need a little
more privacy. i'm going to pause.
probably not for too long, knowing me. at least until i can get
over everyone knowing everything
about me." Maybe my novel isn't too quirky or
coincidental after all.
-The trouble
with John Irving books is they don't get out of your head too
easily. After plowing through
"Garp", "Hotel New Hampshire", & now
"A Widow for One Year"
over the past semester, methinks I'm going to take a nice long
break from his bear-filled world.
None of them are the works that "Owen
Meany" was.
6
June 2001
[from
Albuquerque]
-I reiterate some advice I gave
earlier: never fall in love.
I must admit coming out of that long intense conversation
with JP & DK almost envying
DK's conviction in asking "What IS this strange beast called
love?". As much as
I love love, as an ideal, & told DK I couldn't wait till he
fell, I could see some comfort
in the practicality of disbelieving its existence. I guess
I've never been about what's
easy & that's why I am where I am. Huh.
-I hate June
6th... & more than usual
this year it seems.
-At just under 20,000 words, the novel is
starting to contend for the 2nd-longest piece of
writing I've ever done. It'll be a while before it starts to
duel with the infamous
"Legend of Enutrof" which had well over a hundred typed
pages as I recall. But
progress is getting a little faster & much more consistent,
& I feel very good about the
2 & a half hours of work I just put in. Pretty soon, as
DK became another person to
ask about, a working title is going to become almost
necessary.
-So little changes from one
year to the next, it's freaky. Re-reading so many e-mails
from June 2000 was like reading
my current mind.
-My current mind is also mired in the mention
of Senior Retreat & that
miserable night after the skits & the bonfire. Though
DK's relating that Marps told
the Tan-Man I had bipolar disorder strikes me as hysterical
now. Still, I never wanna be
that low again.
Introspection, My Worst
Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old
Frontiers",
by SWClayton.