A Most Peculiar Man
(6-15 June 2001)
15 June 2001
-I got a Tetris high score early this morning & put in the "Cool Quote" section of the high-score list "Beware the Ides of June". I've been getting better at Tetris lately & I think that's an indication that my mind is bubbling over. JP & I were talking about relaxing methods yesterday... oddly enough he declared that exercising is one for him! & by that he means using something like the Bowflex that his parents just bought & I helped (not really) set up. Tetris is relaxation, not snapping your arms in half!
-From my Dad, a Google web search reveals that the word "police" shares 22.2 thousand web pages with the word "donuts". We both found that plenty amusing.
-After discussions with both Ariela & Stina, it would seem that "individual" is a really misleading & sporadic word. Clearly the philosophy of individualISM is distressing, but the idea of "being an individual" (now that's a cliche gone meaningless from overuse) is probably more positive than not, especially when we see what morons most people are. 50 million Americans are wrong every day. So where are we left? Only an individual can provide the change necessary for society? But that change is so contingent on a societal perspective, not an individual one! Curses! The paradoxes, as always, are legion.
14 June 2001
-Coming back from Eliaii-Bumpkin's (I've taken to calling him "Bumpy" of late), I was stopped at the Central & Rio Grande light. This was about 4 in the morning today, just a few minutes ago. Anyway, I was the ONLY person around, given that it's a Thursday morning & all. I sat there for about 45-60 seconds, clearly not triggering the light, wondering what was going on. After another 30 seconds, this other car comes eastbound on Central (to my right) & is racing for the intersection. At this point I'm considering turning right (pulling a Vet!) from the left-turn-only lane after this person goes through the intersection because I'm sure it's like the old 2nd & Osuna light was. Lo & behold, just as the other car is almost in the intersection, her light goes yellow & she has to stop. I finally get my green, apparently triggered by the presence of a car wanting to go the OTHER way. I write all this at such length to show that the ironies & quirks presented in my novel (again, you'll get to read it in August) are just not that amazing, & in fact more mundane than the daily twists we all experience in life. Or maybe just the interesting quirks, with or without significance. You get the picture.
-That's also, by the way, the last I'll likely see of the Bumpkin till December at the outset. Playing chess with him & DK was funny at the Frontier... it's like they're always shocked when I do decently. I had to beat them in Risk & Bridge for that.
13 June 2001
-I know you hate birthdays, John, but happy 21! We have to find a way to celebrate that doesn't involve you being 21, if you catch my drift.
-From DK, according to this article, there is some hope for our generation. Go us. Though DK himself doesn't look upon this with as much enthusiasm as I do. & there is some confusion about the term "soul mate" prevalent in this article... they seem to assume a Fish-like "THE ONE" concept which even I find distressing. I really don't think that 1 in 3 billion is what most people mean by "soul mate".
-I need just a bit more discipline. But what else is new?
12 June 2001
-Well, an older tape ("The Crisp Slicing of Destiny") seems to have some eerie links to recent discussions my Dad & I have been having about the past. I never was sure exactly what that tape was about, & now I'm a little worried.
-I think I have a working title for my novel... not a guaranteed title yet, but certainly a working: "Loosely Based". Dunno if I like it, but it's good enough for now. Anyway, I've finally figured out how to pull out of my slump in writing, so I think the revitalization starts tonight. I've only added about 1500 words in the last 4-5 days, but that's soon to be history. By July, I want at least 50k.
11 June 2001
-People are taking the fantasy baseball league WAYYY too seriously. It's a game! It adds to FUN! But when I try to be good-natured, people like Scotty just come back with anger. Russ & I talk big, but we're not ANGRY. & I'm never sure with Freez. But everyone could just simmer down a little.
-It's time to refocus. Big-time.
-The sign at Waffle House today said "Now Hiring" on one line, "Steak & Eggs" on the next, & "$5.75" on the third. From the looks of it, this was the starting wage for off-the-street steak & eggs that would volunteer their services. I felt like walking in & saying "Yeah, I'm here for my steak interview. I'm sure there's not much for you to take, but hey...". Given recent discussions of egg-donating, though, maybe all that isn't quite so crazy.
-Who am I kidding thinking someone's ever gonna understand me? Let's be reasonable. I'll be lucky if I find someone who doesn't think I'm a little blue pyramid. I think that when Brandeis kicks me off this server, I'm going to go register littlebluepyramid.org & make that my new website. I'm actually pretty serious about that.
10 June 2001
-Back. & rather tired. Schneider & I put in about 14 miles total in the Pecos, hiking up to Stewart Lake & back, mostly yesterday. We camped in this really nice meadow halfway up the trail, but the moon was bright as a spotlight which made sleeping uncomfortable. JP also gotten eaten alive by mosquitoes, something that I was almost completely unscathed for... strange. I guess they just liked John's blood better.
9 June 2001
-So Schneider (& Kunx & Eli-Bumpkin) just left a few minutes ago. The funny thing is, Johnny'll be back in, what, six hours to pick me up for our camping trip? Woohoo.
-The novel's been more or less on pause for about 48 hours (only 500 words in that time), as I deal with lethargy & the biggest blockade to its writing so far, which is really only a minor technicality. It's a process more than a real stumping. The main point is that when I get over this technicality, I'll be home free till Part 2, & maybe beyond. (If you didn't know, the novel comes in 2 parts with a small prologue.) Nothing to worry about, except it being too long, but that's not looking like a bad thing yet.
-E-mail these days has been funky to try to write... nothing much is going on other than hangin' out a bit & writing a lot (above commentary excepted). I eat at the Frontier. I live the 'Querque life. The variance of day-to-day correspondence is not terribly significant, mefears.
-Leaving for the mountains; should be back tomorrow...
-Maybe I got too worried too fast. I don't know how often I do that, but this time, that's what it looks like.
-I'm so close to the breakthrough I need. Really really darn close. The hairy edge.
-Camping this weekend should be great. Revisiting old times, if nothing else.
-Well, after bowling worse than perhaps ever before a few days back, I turned around & put up some of my best scores in years, opening with a 173 & a 187, en route to a 160 average over 5 games. I could learn to get used to that. My wrist'll be sore tomorrow, though, fresh in time for the trip.
-This lethargy's gotta go.
-Another Mortality Day behind me. Woohoo.
-I was talking to my Mom about a variety of things (over chips & guacamole, no less!), & came upon the discovery that she actually thinks I've matured a lot since graduating high school. I pressed her on this & most of what ended up seeming substantive was that I'm somehow calmer, & possibly can deal with more. Kinda interesting, because I guess it's truer than I thought, but is that maturity? I still feel 18, & just barely 18 at that.
-From the Random But Darned Amusing Files, I was doing some random web-typing while talking to my Dad just a few minutes ago & ended up stumbling upon moohaha.org, which is nothing special in & of itself. However, I perused the girl's (it's a personal site) weblog (as these things like this page seem to be called nowadays), just because weblogs capture my curiosity. Then I read her March 23rd entry & almost fell over. The entry, in full, is as follows: "i'm freaking out again about how many random people read this. this was supposed to just be a small 'lil thing for my friends. but technically, total strangers could know everything about my life just by reading this. i need a little more privacy. i'm going to pause. probably not for too long, knowing me. at least until i can get over everyone knowing everything about me." Maybe my novel isn't too quirky or coincidental after all.
-The trouble with John Irving books is they don't get out of your head too easily. After plowing through "Garp", "Hotel New Hampshire", & now "A Widow for One Year" over the past semester, methinks I'm going to take a nice long break from his bear-filled world. None of them are the works that "Owen Meany" was.
-I reiterate some advice I gave earlier: never fall in love. I must admit coming out of that long intense conversation with JP & DK almost envying DK's conviction in asking "What IS this strange beast called love?". As much as I love love, as an ideal, & told DK I couldn't wait till he fell, I could see some comfort in the practicality of disbelieving its existence. I guess I've never been about what's easy & that's why I am where I am. Huh.
-I hate June 6th... & more than usual this year it seems.
-At just under 20,000 words, the novel is starting to contend for the 2nd-longest piece of writing I've ever done. It'll be a while before it starts to duel with the infamous "Legend of Enutrof" which had well over a hundred typed pages as I recall. But progress is getting a little faster & much more consistent, & I feel very good about the 2 & a half hours of work I just put in. Pretty soon, as DK became another person to ask about, a working title is going to become almost necessary.
-So little changes from one year to the next, it's freaky. Re-reading so many e-mails from June 2000 was like reading my current mind.
-My current mind is also mired in the mention of Senior Retreat & that miserable night after the skits & the bonfire. Though DK's relating that Marps told the Tan-Man I had bipolar disorder strikes me as hysterical now. Still, I never wanna be that low again.
Introspection, My Worst
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.