"Like Trees in November"
(18-27 November 2000)
27 November 2000
-I think Brandzy is a professional at wasting time. Seriously. A real winner. I mean, I know that my presence can't help that, but he manages to make the hours spin by & his wheels spin. Nothing against him - it's just a weakness innate to his apparent condition. We all have our challenges.
-Yeah, it is all about the eyes. That's the universal constant, I s'pose.
-I am so behind on e-mail, it gives me no amusement. Sigh.
-I had such a different plan for yesterday than what turned out to happen. & both are acceptable - the actual result & the alleged, but now I feel like there's a day missing. I suppose that's what the next 10 hours should be for...
-There are some days where lethargy dominates & I feel I can barely move for all the inertia that is laden in the world. But then there are days that might on the outside appear lethargic, but are simply confirmation that life is fluid & college is hardly a rigid experience - that the spirit of a day can override apparent obligations & not every minute is for class. Or few minutes, sometimes. It's not a vital day for work, but it is a vital day to try to understand the day & its implications. We're 4 days on this side of an alleged threshhold, & we can only wait to see what's held, & what's threshed.
26 November 2000
-Reitman 203 has changed.
-These things are never remotely approaching simple, are they?
-Time has so little relevance in many facets of life. Often, reality seems sharded between people & places, but even more than that, between mindsets & parallels & portals - that the reality which aphysically underlies our "real-world" perception yet provides the framework of intuition is so thoroughly disconnected from the physical that it can veritably split a person, or identity, or illuminate the innate splits which exist prior. I realize I'm being unclear, but I feel unclear... more to the point, I am fundamentally far from clarity at this point & I'm not even sure if there's an "I" to BE, let alone to be unclear.
25 November 2000
-Psycho girl indeed. "Does that thing FLY?" Ah, simultenaity. (That is the word for it, right? Probably misspelled though - probably better-sounding than "simultaneousness", though worse-looking.)
-Fish, just so you know, Gris & I were going to call you, but we ran outta time & have to be up in 4 hours. So the thought was there. Consider yourself called. Or something. We'll see you in a few weeks regardless.
-I just realized that I forgot to mention that by a count of 197-129 (no recount needed), I lost the election for At-Large Senator. I think the timely presence of this information (I knew 2 days ago) indicates exactly how affected I am by this. But there you are anyway.
-Well, chalk one up for the belief that personal love is a gateway & not a hindrance to goals of peace & advancement of good causes. The one here being Marty Nathan, subject of Gris's latest Greensboro Massacre interview, which I helped out on (at least a miniscule amount). Her concluding comments on lessons from the experience were basically that loving one another in an earnestly appreciative way is the only key to bravery in the face of injustice. Maybe there's hope, & not just for the sake of dashing.
-This weekend has bore witness to an INSANE amount of Fleetwood Mac. Shortly before Gris left, I believe the entirely radio-based count was up to 12 songs in time from solely driving to & from New Hampshire & then to & from Northampton for the film shoot. Not all of them were different, but most were. That'll keep your Jarritos cold.
24 November 2000
-Brandzy will always be late, & even Michelle's presence is no help there. At least the presence is help for him everywhere else. As I told her earlier, "it CAN'T go wrong". I just hope I'm right. I know I've said that before. But enough about that.
-They are so dubious.
-Brandzy is sometimes left without thorough perceptions. Well, that might not be fair, but it seems his taste fails to discriminate in every sense of the word. At least in that realm. But it seems Michelle & I are more similar there than Brandzy & I. But between the 3 of us, similarity is a bit keen.
-I think I have a knack for finding Mexican food restaurants, even against all odds & on Mechanic Street.
-The horror! Tirrell has discovered this page! Insert mock look of horror (stolen from Tirrell) here...
-Scotland in jeopardy? Say it ain't so... please?
23 November 2000
[from Haystack Mountain Farm, New Hampshire]
-For the first time in history, a gift from Cracker Barrel has been successfully received. Brandzy is redeemed. But only just.
-They were clearly unprepared for 4 vegetarians. "Do you eat fish?"
-Well this IS a happy Thanksgiving. Even if it's the first in my life where there were NO POTATOES at the table. None. Not even yams. What's goin' on?! Orzo but no potatoes?
-Clue with 6 people! Ay, me gusta.
-I think Gris gets quieter the more people he's around. In the end, that's gotta be good for a film student. Observation. The camera doesn't talk. But it certainly perceives.
-Take this song from my head. Drop it in the water.
22 November 2000
-Crikey. How 'bout Michelle? How 'bout Brandzy? How 'bout that conversation? That was insanity in a bag. Intensity, at least. I feel utterly better & worse & about the same all at once. Exhausted. But very grateful to have both Brandzy & now Michelle in my life. I can only hope they appreciate each other enough - I'm sure they do.
-Often, when talking about certain elements of my past, or one in particular, I find myself wishing right along with the person that I'm telling that things were different - that somehow there's a twist in the end & I get an explanation & not everything goes awry in quite such an undermining twisted way. But I have to live with reality. We all do. & all of our realities are especially difficult. That, in part, is what makes them realities.
-My parents say I can change the reality. Or they say that Dickens said that. A little of both, I suppose. Perhaps. Perhaps.
-Obstacle-course nightmares are so odd. But much better when they don't take place in an aquarium. Though the rats were still no fun.
21 November 2000
-The good news is I'm one of 2 people to win the primary & move on to Wednesday's final election. That's a huge relief. The bad news is that the other guy in the final doubled my vote-count in the primary. Now I've apparently gotta work my tail off to win the final election. Maybe it's time to put up those posters after all. I guess it's time for a comeback. At least I've come this far - direct democracy, coming atchya!
-Zirkin rocks. A lot.
-This morning was awful. Really awful. But maybe things are looking up. Maybe they're just looking away for now.
20 November 2000
-I am all alone.
19 November 2000
-Well, the tournament's finally over & it was a grand success. Almost no hitches whatsoever. The closest we came to a hitch was Zirkin claiming that the all Opp-Choice tourney was HIS idea! The audacity! Regardless of which, it was more successful than ANYONE had thought it would be, & now it's gonna be the Brandeis tradition. The norm, if you will. I'm pumped. But I'm really not - I'm exhausted & now it's time to crash. & I really do have stuff to do tomorrow.
-Oh by the way, the skinny on the tourney is available here.
-Being a monk would have its benefits. Maybe everyone who actually did become a monk wasn't quite so spiritually devoted as they were stuck in my predicament. Don't get me wrong - I think I'm highly spiritually devoted, but I don't see any reason to take that to the monkish level. But I'm starting to see reason there - when faced with impossibility of alternatives, one has to do what one has to do to make it look rational. I guess that's where I am now - facing this question like a deer faces headlights.
18 November 2000
-I am not pleased with Kate & Stina. & they are altogether too pleased with themselves. But oh well. So it goes. I guess I'll just wait around for the next person.
Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.