Bluebeard
(28 October - 6 November 2006)
6 November 2006 5 November 2006 4 November 2006 3 November 2006 2 November 2006 1 November 2006 31 October 2006 30 October 2006 29 October 2006 28 October 2006 Introspection, My Worst
Friend* (Current)
-Today was a bit slow, but that's not always bad.
Some of it was slowness based on others, which can be frustrating when time seems of the essence.
-I'm actually
feeling really queasy about my decision to vote tomorrow. There's a part of me that finds it hard to shake feeling like
voting is some sort of allegiance or at least acquiescence to this society & especially its government. Willingness
to respect or abide by the results. I don't feel any of these things. My friends have all insisted that this is
not implicit in the process & that voting is just an opportunity to express a voice & effect change, but I still have
a mostly sinking feeling. Anyway, I worked out my sample ballot yesterday & have my mind made up on almost
everything... I'm pretty sure I won't be voting for more than one or two winning individuals, but I am a little hopeful on
some of the initiatives. I love that California tries to have some actual democracy to go along with the
special-interest "representative" plutocratic republic. Though advertising dollars tend to buy those
elections too. After waiting eight years to vote, despite personally wanting to, out of respect for social contract
theory, I'm still just not excited about jumping into the process. I have a feeling my pure personal enjoyment out of
the machinations of voting (especially on a computer) will likely overwhelm my multitude of misgivings tomorrow, though.
I hope so, because otherwise I might not end up following through. & ultimately, I think I might as well
follow through.
-The Gin Blossoms show was, in some ways, the most
exciting show I've ever attended. Despite showing up early in the first opener, we were able (without any bumping &
cutting that some people think is okay) to end up in the second row of the floor as many people were there for one of the two
openers. & the second opener (Brad Wolfe & the Moon) were really really good, the best unknown opener I've ever
seen (I even bought their CD). But then, the Gin Blossoms came on, along with a big block for Robin Wilson to come out
into the crowd on, putting us de facto in the front row. I high-fived Robin in the first song (my favorite on the new
album, "Come on Hard") & got a setlist at the show's end. He also took cell phones from the crowd on what
he called "classic" songs & would sing parts of songs into various phones to the no doubt amazement of those on
the other end. They sang almost the whole new album & all their old radio songs, plus a couple older songs as well,
though none of my top three more obscure songs. Though I would probably have to name "Found Out About You" as
my all-time favorite of theirs, which we of course got, so it's all good. No mentions or shoutouts to Doug Hopkins
during the show, but that's probably all the show was missing. A truly amazing experience, that almost made me wish
that all my favorite bands would break up & reunite with a much smaller following so I could see them in tiny venues from
the front row & high-five the lead singer. Almost.
-If you're wondering what I think of the whole Saddam Hussein
sentence thing today, look no further than today's Duck & Cover (linked above).
-Far too many Saturdays, I feel somewhat bleh &
a curbed momentum. I need to capitalize on the full weekend time if I'm going to get going on my latest project
idea.
-I'm overwhelmed with how much emotion I can go through in an argument. & how little I have to go on at
its conclusion.
-I had a bizarre dream about trying to get my job
back at Seneca, which entailed long drawn-out scenes about whether I was really ready for it, followed quickly by renewed
trauma coming from the work there. I've had a few such dreams in the past, that all feel really similar, but it's been
a long time since I've had one. I think it often blows my mind that I stuck with that job as long as I did, & that
I was ever in a position where I was daily putting myself through that. At the same time, it seems clear from these
dreams that a small part of me feels like I should be back in that situation, doing the hardest work I can imagine.
Waking up to the best of both worlds is really nice though, where I have a job that helps people, but I don't have to
face direct willful violence every day.
-& yet more excitement. I have been blessed with some real opportunities
here.
-Things are about to get really exciting at Glide,
as a 2-hour meeting today indicated. I can't say as everything is perfectly set the way it needs to be, but we're about
to get a ton of publicity, & it's a very invigorating time to be in the thick of it.
-Em's bike got stolen, presumably
today or last night, but theoretically any time in the last 2 or 3 days. This is pretty devastating, especially given
that it was behind 1-2 locked fences (depending on time of day) & was about a foot from our back door. & that
Em had just gotten it 2 months ago & was very excited about it. A little research indicated that our renters'
insurance might cover it, but our deductible is (not surprisingly) with $15 of the price of the bike. I could herein
rail about the criminal nature of insurance, but I'm simply feeling too disappointed to do that right now.
-I love that John Kerry is becoming the emblem for
Democratic failure again. He was such a horrible joke of a candidate, someone who punted opportunities simply handed to
him. & what right does someone who voted for the war have to make jokes about getting stuck in Iraq?
"Hey kids, I set up a deathtrap in Iraq for you, so you'd best study hard to avoid that little hazard I helped
create!" If nothing else, this should bury any talk of John Kerry resurrections forever.
-Also, I know I got a
fair bit of flack for theorizing that Republicans floated the Mark Foley thing themselves to distract people from the war,
but every single thing I've seen about this election from pundits & pollsters says it's a one-issue race & the issue
is Iraq. I think they popped the cork a little early, because you can't buy a headline about Foley now, but it was a
good effort. Now the scenario I think I'm most looking forward to is the Democrats taking back both houses &
promptly continuing to fail to stand up to Republicans on the war. What will all the die-hard Democratic supporters say
then? That they now have seats to protect & can't be seen as cowardly? The Democrats have to understand that
if they get elected, it's with the mandate of ending the war. But given the nature of this party, I'm not the slightest
bit optimistic about what they would do with such a mandate.
-Hooray for Halloween! I can't believe the end
of October has already made its way here, but I'm going to be in a place where there's both general excitement about it &
a distinct lack of violent kids! Though making my way through the Tenderloin as a pirate should prove interesting on
the way to work. But if one of my co-workers could do it as an M&M a few years ago, a pirate should have little
trouble. Yar.
-Shortly after I arrived at work today, my light-up sparkle pumpkin which has adorned my room since
late September burned out. Eerie... & timely.
-The pirate costume was a big hit with the neighborhood &
especially my co-workers. Despite well-adorned path to the door, we only got one crew of trick-or-treaters: a
group of 6 or 7 kids whose average age had to be 15 or 16. But I was happy to offer them lots of candy & celebrate
that we at least got somebody. As always, I felt a bit of a letdown as Halloween came to a close, but so it goes.
As the last bit of October fades, it's a little like December 26th. That's just inevitable.
-I do love the new computers we have at work.
There's something about having a brand-new computer that just makes one feel like using it. Even new keyboards
& mice might be sufficient revitalization for this effect from time to time.
-Can someone explain to me why there's
this furor raging on the 'net regarding so-called "lurkers" & how everyone wants people to "de-lurk"?
The legend states that 99% of all visitors to any given site merely passively observe the site, either by reading it or
going through the prescribed interactions (e.g. taking a quiz), & fail to leave a comment, e-mail the site owner, or
somehow otherwise reveal themselves to the site's owner. My only possible response to all this is "So what?"
Does this fact surprise anyone? & much more importantly, why does it bother anyone? For a generation
accustomed to television, surely it can't be surprising that most people are passive consumers of the internet as well.
Frankly, I'm not sure I want feedback from most of my viewers... & I certainly couldn't see being so upset about
not getting it that I see the whole internet as a waste. Granted that I'm not exactly running a business online, but I
don't think 99% of bloggers are either. So why the fuss?
-The Pumpkin Carving Party was a great time, even
though not even everyone who RSVP'ed showed up. We went crazy with the decorations & the pumpkin purchasing, &
a good number of the squashes got carved, though we still have a few left over. I continued to make my mark as the
worst carver, but perhaps the most enthusiastic. I also must admit I was more impressed by stencil work than perhaps
ever before. Today, I'm just exhausted after all the fun, but it's great to go out to the porch & see all the great
pumpkins.
-"Man of the Year" ended up being disappointingly conventional toward the end. Another movie
with great galvanizing potential, but a greater lack of guts.
-Migraine: 19 hours, right side,
significant, cause unknown.
-So I did some number-crunching yesterday on my migraine log & was a little stunned by
the results. Now adding yesterday's migraine, I've had a migraine for 407 hours this year, or a little over 5.6% of the
total time. I did have a 44-day stretch without a migraine in mid-summer, but still have managed to have at least one
every month, & a monthly-high 5 in September. The fact that that's the top month (& October has 4), that the
shortest period between migraines (2 days) has taken place in each of those months, & that I had a 61-hour whopper a week
ago are all indicating to me that something is getting worse & I should probably talk to someone about it. But I'm
not going to do drugs, especially when every piece of literature on the subject indicates baldly that medicine is still
completely stumped by migraines, & the head is kind of the most important part of the body. I probably wouldn't
mind getting a CAT scan though.
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