The Notice Board
(23 March - 1 April 2000)
1 April 2000
-Never been so bored in a MUN committee in my life. That's 6 years of effort there.
-You can't talk about someone behind their back if they have no front. Not in the technical sense, at least.
-Anytime can be dance-time. My mood swings are INsane.
-Just stick a fork in my heart. Am I really cut out for this?
31 March 2000
-Sometimes I think I should walk around with a tape recorder. Walking back from that convenience store, I swear I figured everything out. Well, not everything, but more than I've had a handle on for a long time. Talking out loud works so much better, especially in cold night air. If I could maintain that focus for days on end, life would almost feel easy. Instead, I end up blinding myself to clarity & getting crowded by my frustrations. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear it on my tongue. & I don't consider that a problem, if only I could express myself as well to others as I can to myself. Seems like they'd be easier to convince anyway.
30 March 2000
-Happy Birthday Fish!! Too bad you're in the Caribbean misusing your Spring Break instead of out here! Oh well, the big 2-0 is heavy stuff, my friend...
-For some reason, the Phil Ochs line "Where were you in Chicago, cause I was in Detroit" comes to mind. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking. I seem to have better associations with the latter than the former, which is odd, all things considered. Kate, I'm tellin' ya, we shoulda been DCA at Fairfield!
-Uggggh. I know way too much about that. But really, saying one shouldn't know is a sure-fire way to find out. (See 27 March) I just have to convince myself that saying one thing & doing another is okay sometimes. I can deal. This is what I voluntarily took on. & doggone it, it's worth it. But sometimes I ache anyway, just thinking about it....
-Just thinking about it. For four days. Though I do have much else to think about. & things seem SO good. Why do I have to second-guess everything??!
-About to leave. "Things are getting worse but I feel a lot better" (CC, of course) is in my head. I'll be back before I know it, I hope. Bleh.
29 March 2000
-Okay. Maybe Heston was the 2nd-happiest man.
-Seems I find ways to feel guilty for everything. Just a little bit, at least. But perhaps less so than in the past. Tell me that's a good thing, because I have my doubts.
-Walking up from the gym (basketball with the debate kids), I noticed a car pulling to turn out of the Castle parking lot. It struck me as strange, because its headlights were off & it was about 7 pm - pretty dark in the Bostontown region these days. So I was about to flash a signal about lights to it when I looked inside & realized no one was driving it as it moved towards me. It wasn't going too quickly, so I was about to stop it, but it rolled up a curb & came to an immediate halt. I think it's still there. This is yet another dubious indicator, methinks. Though perhaps more benevolent than I'm accustomed to thinking about Chicago. Only time will tell, I suppose. Maybe I'm just being silly.
-Split-second follow-up! There's a blue/red light flashing through my window. The cops came & are apparently towing said car (above) away. I'm just not going to comment.
28 March 2000
-I could've stayed there forever. But when everyone else gets de-aired, someone's gotta run the show...
-Have I mentioned that I don't really want to go to Chicago? Ah, I thought so.
-It's raining on their parade. All of them.
-Well, the rain finked out, giving all the fools a chance to make their nature evident. I'm so fed up with the whole thing. I can't believe all these people really care about human life to the degree they're saying - where were they when the US was bombing civilians in Kosovo & Iraq? Where were they the other 364 days a year that Congress ignored the gun control lobby but Heston WASN'T on campus? Where were they when it really mattered, when a stand wasn't expected, when protesting would've made a STATEMENT? Tonight, Charlton Heston is the happiest man on the face of the Earth, & also becoming the most influential person to speak at Brandeis in its history. That's sick. The guy holding the "Get your liberal hands off of my Constitution" sign got as many photo-ops as anyone else. That's the brush they get to paint this with - we're all opponents of free speech, free thought, free action. & maybe they're right. Because tonight, everyone's acting like sheep. Really dumb sheep.
27 March 2000
-It seems a good number of my friends, both deliberately & inadvertently, always try to dissuade me from being in whatever mood I'm in. ESPecially if it's a good mood, which is doubly dubious. Grrrrr... I wish my suspicions weren't ALWAYS always always right. Sometimes, I hate my intuition. My Dad always says he hates it when he's right. I can only say I feel the same darn way. Crud - I was in such a good mood, too. Oh well, you guys win....
-Reading over the above entry, I realize I used the word "always" a LOT. If only I didn't keep falling into the same patterns...
-Even Wolfy Bastards deserve a second chance.
-I'm used to nervous apprehension in March, but this is ridiculous. & it seems utterly baseless & irrational. I'm hoping this isn't an even worse omen than I'm already expecting about Chicago. Ick.
-Check out my Heston diatribe. If only anyone were willing to listen to this...
26 March 2000
-When Garddawg's in a bad mood, one has to wonder about the stability of things.
25 March 2000
-8 consecutive weekends. That's a handful. I'm not sure there was ever a point in HS when I'd gone to 8 straight debate tourneys... I'm not even sure it was possible in the HS schedule. Well, next week will be an (unwelcome) break. UChicago... yippee.
-Brad Maynes is a bad man. This was proven many times this weekend.
-I need to debate with friends more often. Not that all the debate kids aren't friends, too, but you know what I mean - independent friends. It's just a good time.
24 March 2000
-Good seeing Freez. Need to see more of the home friends. Or, as Gris would dub them, "home slices".
23 March 2000 Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)
-Tough to update the page when the power's out.
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.
Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)