Only a Pawn in Their Game
(1-10 May 2004)

10 May 2004
-As surprisingly good as yesterday was, today was so surprisingly bad.  & not even in a terribly aggressive way, just an annoying one.  My frustration with work continues to grow... I don't think it's permanent, but it's definitely intense right now.

9 May 2004
-So remember when 5 days ago on this page, I commented on people never knowing the full impact of their lives on the lives of others.  Uh, yeah.  I second that.  Good Lord.
-I really didn't want to go back to work today, but back I went & it was the right decision.  We took the kids to an A's game & the baseball & sun restored a lot of my energy & patience.  I was still exhausted much of the day, but things weren't nearly as bad as I expected.  Maybe I won't need a day off for mental health.

8 May 2004
-"Dogville" is a riveting film.  I'm not sure that I recommend it, actually, because it's so intense & overwhelming, but there are many facets of it that I truly enjoyed.  Hard to know the author's intent, as always, but still an emotional roller-coaster of epic proportions.

7 May 2004
-The doldrums continue.  It will be interesting to see how the next week plays out, since Fish is still in LA & Em just left for a week in Santa Barbara gearing up for a summer of directing a PIRG canvassing office.  Crazy PIRG trainings.  I can't quite say if it's going to clear my mind out or drive me further into the May malaise.  Ugh.
-The Grand Lake Theater is a true movie palace.
-My mind goes unchecked when I'm alone.  My mind scares me senseless sometimes.

6 May 2004
-Someone I don't know wrote me to ask if I really play kickball with adults.  Yep, I sure do.  Who doesn't want to re-live third grade?  Anyway, today was a fun one despite getting drubbed 6-1.  I scored the only run for our side, & made a couple of pivotal catches.  We kicked the ball a lot better than we have in a while, got a lot more runners on, we just didn't have the defensive prowess of some of our recent games.  & the opposition did get a 3-run homer that I don't think anyone could've caught.  So far, everything is fun except losing by 14 runs.
-What I liked about the final "Friends" was the same thing I liked about the final "Cheers", at least in some regards.  It didn't try to put the last moment ever for the characters together on the screen.  It was able to say that friendships are ongoing, that they don't have a closing moment, & that even the closing moment for a while doesn't have to be captured, because the show was a glimpse on something constant, not a fixed line segment of time.  I think "Cheers" did a much better job with that idea, but "Friends" made inroads with it.  I just really liked that we didn't see the last scene with them having coffee, & we are all left to imagine what happens on our own.  That there wasn't any false urgency on a final moment when everyone scatters to the wind, because things never happen that way in real life.  Not that the show overall made any particular effort to capture real life, but it was a nice final touch.

5 May 2004
-The good Wednesday streak continues, making me believe that it may be the new norm.  Even though some of the things around the house are a bit off the hook.  But I can't complain with the way things are going.
-Stress.  Will I ever really understand how it rules the lives of so many?

4 May 2004
-I'm beginning to believe that none of us will ever fully comprehend the impact that we have on the rest of the world, on people we know, on people we barely meet.  Glimpses & reminders of it are enough to bowl me over sometimes.
-If John Kerry stood up & announced that he advocated bringing American soldiers & commanders responsible for the war crimes committed in Iraq to trial in The Hague, I might consider changing my mind about him.  That would actually be different from the "reprimands" currently being given.  But he advocates sending more troops, last I heard.  In the words of Ani DiFranco, "I wonder who's gonna be President, Tweedle Dum or Tweedle Dummer?"

3 May 2004
-I want to know what genius put glass windows in a level 14 group home.
-I feel a deep need for a mental health day tomorrow.

2 May 2004
-The looongest day.  Included several outings with the kids, such as one to Tilden Park for a hike.  The kids complained, but otherwise it was fun.

1 May 2004
-So Lisha e-mailed me to say that the bill in Congress I posted about on the 28th was a facetious attempt by Democrats to show Republicans how bad it would be if their daughters & sons had to go off to war.  Seems strange when the Democrats were voting for the war too, but I guess it's possible.  Then Amy sent me an e-mail from another reputable source that's mobilizing their actions against this bill.  So I'm really unclear what its status really is.  Are activist groups just digging this up out of a committee to make a fuss over a joke?  Or are they responding to someone taking the bill (whether initially framed as a joke or not) seriously?  Everyone's citing the newly expanded SS (Selective Service) budget as a sign that they're preparing for possible drafting.  At this point, even if it was originally intended as a joke, I wouldn't be surprised if people started supporting it when things in Iraq & North Korea go even further south.
-The May Day Soiree at the Big Blue House went over quite well.  It was a little small in attendance, but was made up for by huge quantities of food.  I made enchiladas, brownies, & guacamole, the former two with great amounts of help.  At one point when cooking with Fish & Emily, I described myself as the kid in fifth grade who didn't know how to read.  But I do know how to make guacamole.  & now the other dishes.  Dinner & Trivial Pursuit were fun, as was seeing a variety of different folks from various places interact.

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