Masters of War
(21-30 April 2004)

30 April 2004
-This Nightline reading of soldiers' names show (which is supposed to air tonight) is another of those classic eye-of-the-beholder things that happen during a war.  When I originally heard about it, I was convinced that the decision to read over 700 names of dead troops was a strangely pro-war move by Ted Koppel, especially as he was touting it with all the fanfare & throwing around of the word "heroes".  But apparently a station owner of Sinclair group, David Smith, thought the opposite.  He's refusing to air it because he thinks Koppel is trying to get folks riled up against the war by reading the body count.  I think that Smith is nutso.  When you display peoples' pictures on national TV sprinkled with comments about "dying for their country" & "unsung heroes", doesn't that tend to put a positive spin on their cause?  Maybe if Koppel were saying "misled victims of war", I could see Smith's point.  Regardless, it all just reminds me of how I thought "Saving Private Ryan" was an anti-war movie.  If you believe something strongly enough, you see it all around you, or I guess you see opposition to what you believe all around you.  I would be very curious to see why Koppel really wants to read all those names... not his public statement, but his personal motive.  Given that John McCain is defending him, I doubt that Koppel is trying to undermine the war.
-By the way, in another CNN article, I find it very classy of the US military to use Saddam's old torture chambers to torture Iraqis.  Man, if only we could get regime change in Iraq...

29 April 2004
-Wasting time again.  Silly me.
-Kickball was a blast again this week, though we gave up our 1-0 lead in the bottom of the 5th (last inning) & settled for a 1-1 tie.  Fish got the only RBI for our side, our first in 2 weeks.  I hope more games are like this week & fewer like the loss last week, which was on the record as 14-0, but I'm pretty sure they got 15.  Either way, we continue to be the lowest-scoring team in the league, but have a 1-1-1 record despite only 3 runs all season.

28 April 2004
-Another good Wednesday.  More sleep than I need, but things were good overall.  It's so nice when things aren't so negative around the house meetings.
-Many thanks to Kate for bringing my attention to the fact that there is currently a bill in Congress that is being discussed in committee that would mandate mandatory service for all citizens aged 18-26, ostensibly military or militaristic service.  Why don't I use the words of the bill itself: "To provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes."  Civilian service in futherance of the national defense and homeland security.  Nice.  Oh by the way, all of you thinking to yourself that this type of stuff is why it's so important to beat Bush... John Kerry is on the record as supporting this bill.  You can read the bill here.  Fortunately the bill has been in committee for over a year, but I don't trust anyone in the Armed Forces Committee to see any problem passing it forward, especially in light of the problem in Viet-, er, Iraq.

27 April 2004
-Yesterday wound up being better, with more highs & lows.  I think this is a bear I'll be wrestling for a while.  A long while, maybe always.  Especially when I'm as good at wasting time as I am.
-Dear Spammers of the Globe.  Please stop using @bluepyramid.org addresses as labels for your spam.  If you must use them as labels, please at the very least have the reply-to address be something at your nefarious spamming location.  I believe it defeats your purposes (& my own) to have all your replies to spam coming back to my addresses.  PS:  When you write from "admin@bluepyramid.org" that my e-mail account is about to expire, you are not fooling anyone.  Thank you & have a pleasant day.  Your humble servant, Storey.

26 April 2004
-Not terribly better feeling today, but stable enough.  The guilt never leaves, I just sometimes find better & worse ways of expressing it.  Colossal, crushing guilt abounds at all times... it's the times that I can stuff it into a small enough box in my back pocket that I function best.  The dichotomy between guilt & functionality only spawns more guilt anyway.  Sheesh.  Regardless of which, I feel like a new surge of motivation may be the byproduct here.  It could take another couple meltdowns to convince me to actually act on it, unfortunately.  But that's just because I'm lame.

25 April 2004
-Tell me I have any strength at all.  Because I don't believe it.
-Yesterday I had a near-epic April meltdown about how I can't be productive in writing or life generally to save myself.  The meltdown was so bogged down in guilt that said emotion is now the paint color on all of the walls in our apartment.  Today I had a horrendous migraine & was barely functional for much of the day, but was able to avoid actually going home & giving up on the day.  I was in a foul mood the last hour though, with everything catching up with me.  Emily's support was the only way I got through any of this.

24 April 2004
-Hung out with Stina last night, watching & arguing over "Veronica Guerin".  As we quickly realized, the argument had nothing to do with the movie & everything to do with the way she & I view movies differently.  But we knew that already.
-Today was mostly spent in the Tracy/Stockton areas, riding model trains & hanging out with Garins.  All told, a great deal of fun was had.  My nephew Paul V is quite verbal now & niece Natalie is walking.  The only thing to make me feel like time is passing more quickly is watching how quickly children grow.  Yeek.

23 April 2004
-April is finally catching up with me.  The reputed cruelty of the month sometimes comes late, but it just can't be beaten or escaped.  Suddenly I feel like doing nothing for days on end, without explanation.  Funny how that always happens this time of year...
-Of course I'm pretty good at wasting other peoples' time too.  So it goes.

22 April 2004
-Kickball was a whole lot less fun this week than last, & most of it was based on the competition.  We were drubbed 15-0.  It was clear sometime in the second inning that it would be all we could do to capture some dignity for ourselves by scoring a run.  I got one of our team's only hits, but then was doubled up on first when I left the bag for a line drive that I was sure wouldn't be caught.  Fish & I spent much of the time on the sidelines making jokes about how much worse than the other team we were.  To be fair, it was probably the best team in the league, but it was still all a joke.  Then we went & spent too much money on not enough food, which seems to be a popular thing to do in San Francisco.

21 April 2004
Happy Birthday to Elias-Axel Pettersson
-Yet another Wednesday where I'm not in a bad mood!  Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
-Of course my exhaustion catches up with me.  Which only meant that I wasn't exhausted when people came over to hang out.  But then they were all exhausted, & so it went.

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