At Night
(3-12 December 2003)

12 December 2003
-Actually doing some writing on ADO here & there.  Wish it were more, but when haven't I?  I'm still unable to determine what's fully at fault for the inability to get it all together, but I'm sooo tired of making excuses for myself.  At the same time, I feel compelled to excuse it because it's so annoying that I'm not doing more.  Ah, vicious spirals of self-frustration.

11 December 2003
-At least when I'm being unproductive now when not working, it's a million times better than a year ago at this time.  My job can actually be considered productive in a way I don't roll my eyes at.  It's a sign of (small) improvement.

10 December 2003
-The negativity at some of these meeting is nearing endless.  I know my boss is in a worse mood when he's sick or feeling weak, because that's a sensation he hates.  But taking it out on those who are working hard can't be a good consolation.  He simply continues to believe in negative-motivation, but that only works if one believes there's a chance of someday being praised if one does well.  & it's not that I need praise to do well at a job.  It is, however, that I need something other than blaring negativity in order to feel like the job's worth doing.
-Have I mentioned that Wednesdays are to my current job what Saturdays were to my old job?  See above for why the tradition of a sour day rolls on.

9 December 2003
-Being patient sometimes takes a while though.  I wish I could talk more about this job here, but the essence of everything is patience, inside this job & out.
-It's nice to be trusted.  But a big responsibility too.

8 December 2003
Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary to My Parents!
-There really is something about full moons.  It's more than lore & legend.  It seems like working with the folks I do gives me a better perspective on more universal themes sometimes.
-Rewarding intelligence, being patient, working with what one has, being patient.  Mostly, being patient.  That's what it's all about.  & being just a little creative.

7 December 2003
-"Blessed are the spat upon..."

6 December 2003
-It's official... Em & I will be spending 10 of the first 11 days of 2004 in Albuquerque!  This is very exciting to me.  Though Em will have to canvass for much of that time, we will be able to see most everyone who's around.  So even though we're missing the AA '98 5-year reunion, this should be a good consolation.

5 December 2003
-I have odd friends.  & I certainly don't see them enough to be odd with them.

4 December 2003
-As though I didn't have enough computer-based habits, I have discovered online free Texas hold-em poker tournaments.  These show signs of being addictive as well.  Crudbuckets.
-Sweet sweet resolution.  I can feel good about this again for a bit.

3 December 2003
-Nobody likes an informant.  But more importantly, communication is at the heart of this job.  So these conflicts are pretty easily solved for a solution.  Doesn't make my stomach fail to twist in the wind...

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