Description of a Struggle
(23 November - 2 December 2003)
2 December 2003
-Sometimes it feels like I'm the personal liason of a particular kid in the house who's having a hard time. No matter what else is going on, they're on their own schedule of non-compliance & consequences, & someone has to see it through. I'm happy to do it, but one would think that sometimes they'd just get tired of the non-compliance. I guess if it becomes enough of a dull routine, it'll become less interesting. The main thing is to not be reactive, not be set-up by efforts to throw one off course. If one takes things personally, all is lost in this arena.
1 December 2003
-Everything can be going along fine, but something will often come to knock off that self-assurance. It's good, keeping oneself & one's reality constantly in check. But it's also frustrating, feeling a constant sense of limbo & instability. Knowing that with assurance comes the foreknowledge of lack of assurance. But emotions can be triggered by other emotions, & that can go darn near anywhere. Tonight was a rough night for a lot of reasons.
30 November 2003
-Holy racism, Batman! What happened today?
-There's just no way around being cryptic cryptic cryptic on this page while doing this job. Compared to the early days of this page, I'm practically writing in Swahili. Or even ancient Etruscan. Frustrating, this is to me.
29 November 2003
-Got to see some of Em's fam today, as I'm recovering & Will needed a ride to SFO. So my Thanksgiving weekend was not without family, not without fun.
28 November 2003
-Just too tired, still a little too sick. To do anything. Blahhh.
27 November 2003
-Spending Thanksgiving at Seneca was pretty fun, though the vegetarian options were startlingly sparse, especially for a "multicultural" effort at the table. There were games & plenty of food, & it was interesting to see what kids had to be there as opposed to having a less restrictive option. Also nice to work with a couple of different people than I normally do. I've always felt bad for those working on holidays, but this wasn't such a bad thing to do on a holiday. Certainly most who work on holidays don't have it so good.
26 November 2003
-This is the longest week ever. But I have my time off in December, so not to worry.
25 November 2003
-One of the kids who has long had a personal dislike of me suddenly has been able to get along with me quite well. Maybe the corner that so many said would be turned long ago has finally been turned.
24 November 2003
-This job I have is really exhausting. But rewarding. It is less rewarding & more exhausting when I have to work sick. Especially at other houses, or in difficult situations. But I can play through the pain.
23 November 2003
-"On certain Sundays in November, when the weather bothers me..."
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