If I Laugh
(27 April - 6 May 2003)

6 May 2003
-Stayed home sick from work.  In bed all day.  Then the migraine hit.  Things continue to not go well.

5 May 2003
-An abysmal day, that just kept getting worse after starting out pretty bad.  By midday I thought things might be okay, but they just slip-slid away into a land of stress, migraines, & impaired consciousness.  I have fewer answers than I thought I did, & I seem to be flailing against the incoming waves.  Every year I face the juggernaut of April/May thinking THIS will be the year that everything feels right, or okay, or I don't become dissatisfied with my decisions.  Every year I remember that time is geography, & that in both there is meaning.  Some May I will figure out how to channel it into something useful.

4 May 2003
-Still no comebacks from 3-0 in the NBA.  Bah.
-Today is my one day off in seven, or in thirteen in one sense, & I wasted it.  Just picked it up, crumpled it like paper, & chucked it away.  Now I'm at a loss.

3 May 2003
-This Saturday job has got to go.
-"Better Luck Tomorrow" had many of the same problems that "Adaptation" did, in taking a great start to a movie & plowing it under some typical Hollywood stunts.  There was a lot going on under the surface, but in the end that seemed like it didn't matter to the movie-makers.  A near miss, perhaps nearer than "Adaptation", but still a lot of wasted potential.
-I love bookstores.

2 May 2003
-Em finally took a day off from work today for the illness she's been battling since Wednesday.  Her record of attending classes throughout her school career, especially college, is nearly flawless.  But when one's job is canvassing in the rain, the rules are a lot different.
-Watching the Blazers decimate the Mavericks was thoroughly satisfying.  They're now the 3rd team in NBA history to come back from down 3-0 in a playoff series to tie it at 3-3.  No one has ever won after such a deficit.
-I love the stock market.  It surged today after reports of 6% unemployment, & the longest steady decline in employment since World War II.  I guess this is just a sign that the market's solving, right?

1 May 2003
-All right, who's the wise guy that ordered the May already?
-I hate moving.  Not because I'm afraid of change, or because I don't like new places, but because it reminds one exactly how much STUFF they have.  Even in the case of moving campuses for CU-Fairfield, I see we have too much stuff.  & I have to pack a lot of it up.  Blarg.  It could be a lot worse since pro movers are doing most of it, but it's still plenty aggravating for someone who is as bad at physical labor as I am.

30 April 2003
-US Soldiers Celebrate War's End by Slaughtering Iraqi Civilians... In 3 of the 4 days before President Bush will allegedly declare an end to hostilities in Iraq, the US military is making sure the spirit of the Battle of New Orleans lives on.  "Well, they don't want us shooting 'em in 2 days," said one soldier.  "This is our last chance till the invasion of Syria, er, Iran.  Wait, Sarge, which one is it?"  Others intimated a more sinister motive for the shootings.  Said one anonymous major, "Well, these boys sure don't like them protesters back home.  But you can't shoot them, so you might as well shoot Iraqi protesters, y'know?  Next best thing to popping a Hippie!"  Donald Rumsfeld assured the public from a plane at an undisclosed location that all was as it should be.  "We are here to bring the American way of life to Iraq," he explained.  "That means bullets for those who question the American government.  Don't you know that?"
-Last night Em & I got to hang out with Drew & meet his girlfriend Becky.  They were duly impressed by Mels, our local fifties diner type place that actually was around throughout the fifties.  Regardless, it was very reassuring to me how much it felt like the old days (even with a new person present), despite the drought in hanging out since college.  Everyone should move to the Bay Area.
-I need to start drinking coffee in the afternoons.

29 April 2003
-Last night I got far more rest by getting far less sleep.  I cut right back to the edge of dreamlessness, & could probably afford to cut another half-hour on top.  After three straight nights of waking up more tired after than before sleep from haranguing nightmares, enough is enough!
-I know more of you than this want to be on the Loosely Based mailing list... Go sign up!

28 April 2003
-The SOTW has reminded me how much I need to do some archiving.  This week's winner is actually still on this page!  & it was about 40 days ago, so I really have no excuses.  Apparently, this agony led some fan to search for hate storey clayton.  Meanwhile, 4 countries in the Quiz are almost unbreakably close in their results.  Mexico, France, Vatican City, & Egypt are separated by just 7 quizzes (0.03% of quizzes taken) overall.
-Sigh.  It's one thing when people truly stump me with a computer question at work.  It's quite another when all they want is to be able to tell their professor that what the professor wants can't be done on the computer, & commit all their energy to not cooperating.  I have a feeling that I get blamed in the latter case, when the culprit is something like them not bringing their password from home.
-The publicity campaign begins!  Please check out the Loosely Based section, replete with a link to join the brand-new LB mailing list!  This will be the #1 best way to get updates on the progress of my book from acceptance to publication & hopefully beyond...
-Also, if any of you kind souls out there know how to simply explain CGI formmail scripts, please drop me a line.  I think I understand 90% of it, but I'm short on the actual program in my server that would send the e-mail.  The scripts are pretty straightforward, but how does the actual program work?

27 April 2003
-Sundays are inevitably far too short & far too hectic as my only days off anymore.  & my sleep, no matter how long I sleep, is never really restful.  Last night, somehow, I kept becoming convinced that Pandora was dying since she was nestled between many sheets & not jumping up whenever I stirred in bed, as is her custom.  This concern was sandwiched between several bad dreams.  On the upside, I keep getting this giddy feeling about the whole book publication thing.  I don't have an estimated publication date yet, but I'm hoping for one soon.  One of the great things about an independent publisher is that they give you immense control over the details of the book.  So I've been working on layout & cover design, things that might be handed down by a Random House type.  The cover isn't finished yet thanks to a break-down at the Walgreens film development department, but otherwise things are progressing at a steady clip.

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