At the Foot of the Hill
(11-20 June 2000)
20 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Yay! Jake's coming after
all. Just later.
Welcome to the world of people who PAY for plane travel,
Jaque. & welcome to
coach.
-Later today, we find out... (drumroll please)... will
the alleged Move-In Day III
become a reality?! Is this ever going to happen? Only
time will tell... How's
the suspense treating you? Mefears I'm already
gone.
-Fish might be bringing a 'puter
to the house, which would be nice in a small way, because I could
type there. I'm toying
around with 2 of my 3 attempted novels... revival always seems
like a possibility. I'm thinking
of posting a list of my "collected works" on the 'page
too, but mefears it'd just be
depressing, considering how many short stories I wrote in 1993-96
& how few in the years
since. But there's reasons for that. I just need to
get writing more, & Fish
bringin' a computer would facilitate that. Especially since
it's a half-step up from a
Commodore-64 (okay, I'm exaggerating a LITTLE, but not much), so I
wouldn't be distracted by
too much other stuff that computers are so good at distracting one
with. Keep it to the
words.
-Too much memory this week. Especially when all my
saved e-mail dating back to
this time 3 years ago is readily available for my perusal.
It's all so
bittersweet.
-Okay, I did it. You can
now observe a preliminary listing of my
Collected Works... in other
words, all the various forms I've put words
into in the past bazillion years. If I owe
you e-mail, which is probably a number of you,
this project is to blame for me not writing you
yet. So check it out & I will write
you soon. Because now that project is
behind me. & because I really want to
write you. Honest.
-Apparently, this
summer is a good time to be kidding. I
have a job... oh wait, just
kidding. I have a place to live with my
friends... oh wait, just kidding. I think
I'm going to forbid myself from standing on any
more rugs, lest they get pulled out the way that
they always seem to. My analysis of the
remainder of summer from 4 days ago is looking more
& more accurate.
19 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Remember being 16? Something tells me I
wasn't the way Fish's sister is. Fish: "So, what do you DO
all day?" Morgan: "Watch TV & eat. What else
is there to do in the summer?" She said it so matter-of-factly too.
Like we'd just forgotten a universal truth. I, for one, was amused.
-Hmph. For someone I don't know very well, that girl has sure been showing
up in a lot of my dreams of late. & I'm afraid I know why. But
it's still dubious as all heckfire. Thank goodness I don't believe that
we control our own dreams!
-Um, Kate, dear? Your ramblings font for today is entirely UNREADABLE.
I dunno if that's deliberate, but as of right now, clicking the above
"Kate's ramblings" link will deliver you to a 19 June filled with
a SYMBOL font. This is taking it one step too far.
-Rain is no fun in an Albuquerque summer. I come here for the HEAT! Though
thunderstorms are oddly reflective. Or were last night.
-Yes, I'm jumping around chronologically, but sometimes moods are random. Surprising,
eh?
18 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-"I'm hoping you'll notice that no one else
helps me grow. It's not easy to let you know what I'm dying to show. Dying
until you know..."
-"Hey hey, have you ever danced in the rain or thanked the sun just for
shining, just for shining o'er the sea?"
-Re-enter Fish.
-Have I ever mentioned that John Schneider is, without any conceivable doubt,
substantially the funniest human being I've ever encountered?
17 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Happy Birthday, Gris. Everybody's suddenly
20. I would've wished Schneider a happy b-day 4 days ago, but he usually
doesn't like people making a big fuss over such things. I also would've
wished Hass a happy b-day 5 days ago, but she didn't tell me about it till last
night! So. Now you've all been wished. Welcome to life after
teenagerism... I dunno if you'll enjoy your stay.
-When I come to my senses, I'm moving to the Peak. It would sure cut down
on travel time on that windy backroad.
-So, I was out running an errand for my Mom at 10 pm on this very Saturday night.
We needed eggs & toilet paper... just incidental things we'd run out
of. It wasn't until I was in line, placing my 18 eggs & 24 rolls of
toilet paper on the conveyor belt that I realized why the adults around me were
giving me dirty looks. That was all I purchased. At 10 pm on a Saturday
night. Just goes to show you how thoroughly unjustified, yet assuredly
prevalent, profiling is. By the time the cashier threw me a furtive mischeivous
look, I wanted to stand up in front of the whole store & yell "No,
I am NOT about to throw these at houses!" Instead, I scurried out
the door.
16 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Things just keep falling through. At this
rate, the rest of my summer will consist of sitting in my room, theorizing about
having friends somewhere, waiting for my fifth semester at Brandeis to begin.
Wow, that would be sad. Put it this way, Jaque - mind-lost or no,
you'll be missed 'round here this weekend.
-Gris, apparently there's nothing I can do to compel you to get going on this
house thing. Don't just think how that makes me feel - think what FISH
will feel when HE reads that!
-What's this? Vaguely normal hours? Say it ain't so!
-If you ever wonder what I'm really talking about or think I'm being too cryptic,
e-mail me & I'll fill you in on more than you ever wanted to know. Just
ask Jake.
-Argh. My "Poetry in Stagnation" tape broke today. Was
consumed by my lovely tape player. Had to be broken to be removed from
the hungry machine. That's frustrating, since I'd just examined most of
my old tapes & concluded that this one really matched where I was &
what I wanted to hear. I'm inclined to take as my only consolation that
this might be a sign of what is to come... that I'm snapping the stagnance streak
that's pervaded my existence for what feels like ages. That'd be really
cool. Maybe I just need a new tape player.
-"& the rain's gonna wash away, I believe it..."
-So much for that. Why do I even bother?
-In the theme of recurring themes, had I not already written it, I'd probably
write "LMBYSG" tonight. In fact, I was busy composing some lines
to those end when I realized that I'd already done that once. Wonderbar.
15 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-When I put my mind to things, I really can get
a lot done rather efficiently. Enough to even surprise myself. It's
all about the motivation.
-The capacity for thoughtful & caring people to blame themselves for things
that aren't remotely their fault is staggering. & frustrating.
-The debate page would be updated, but I can't do it through telnet. So
that'll just have to wait. But the schedule for this coming fall is up
at the APDA site, so we can pretend it's on the 'Deis
site too. No, I haven't been thinking too much about debate lately, why
do you ask?
-Well, after finishing reading, I've concluded that Goethe's Young Werther might
well be my hero too. Sorry Stina. It's rare to find a book that
endures that well from the 18th century, but this one's a winner. Thank
you, Fish.
14 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Jeez. Let's play the "How Fast Can
Everything Come Full-Circle?" game! That's not upsetting so much
as weird. I love reading my words quoted in e-mails that get forwarded
to me.
-Okay, I think I've rooted out a conspiracy: how many people are using
the word "prolly"?! Cause the number tripled overnight &
suddenly it's swallowing me whole. I've always preferred my standby "prob'ly"
as the way of shortening said word, but apparently I'm alone in an abyss of
anti-b folk.
-The surge is on. Still.
-Screw Flag Day. All I can think of are those pesky "pep rallies"
we used to have at AA. & that silly flag we had tacked to the wall
of the gym. & the upset look of teachers when I turned my back to
it during the national anthem. & we wonder why this society has a
problem with violence. The whole "killing for a piece of cloth is
not only justified but glorious" theme might be a good place to start reforming
this troubled land.
-Childish but amusing is okay with me. Ickiness is unfortunate, however.
-Ahhh... THAT's what I like to hear!
13 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Right now, I'm just happy to be healthy. Appreciative.
Not only does ignoring the benefits of one's health tend to lead to contracting
some sort of illness, but every time I get sick & get over it, I always
promise myself to really appreciate moments of health in the future. &
I usually neglect that promise more than I ought to. Right now, it feels
good to feel good. I'm bordering dangerously close on Strangelove territory,
so I'll leave that right where it is.
-If I ever find a girl I can talk to like I talk to my Dad, it'll be time to
find a ring. Life is all about communication & while we have our...
somewhat argumentative... moments, my Dad & I can talk like nobody's business.
Conversations like tonight make it all worthwhile.
-By all accounts, this is looking suspiciously like an upswing. From a
lot of different sides. Get pumped!
-Just a preliminary heads-up to everybody, since there appears to be some confusion
- when I move in (please don't make me amend that to "if", Gris!)
to the new place with "the guys", I won't have a computer. However,
I'll still be dabbling in e-mail & possibly even this update thingy, though
I'd imagine both might get a little less frequent. It will neither be
a complete severance nor a maintenance. I'm tempted to just go computer-free
& unchain myself utterly, but I know myself way better than that & I
want to maintain contact with a lotta folks & NObody does the letter thing
anymore. Which is kinda unfortunate. So, that's a preview for what
(hopefully) hangs in the balance.
12 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-I love those times when the radio is just on fire.
It's like the DJ is reading one's mind, picking apart everything one would
like to hear, & adding a couple suggestions that one likes, but had forgotten.
So spiffy.
-Some lines just get more meaningful over time. That's why I've never
been able to get hung up on song associations. They're there, sometimes,
in a limited sense, but by no means a limiting sense. Every song is capable
of tacking on the associations in the future, always leaving room for more &
without overly impeding the listening process. The really enduring songs
are the ones that make more sense every time one hears them, like flypaper for
life's myriad experiences.
-Enough. Sometimes, looking at that page is like swallowing lead. If
I hadn't written it already, I'd write "Choking Mist Absent Melody"
tonight.
-Hold your breath for tomorrow, kiddies. It's time for things to start
working.
-Ariela RULES!
-I refuse to act like people owe me things that they don't. I refuse to
intrude on people unless I know they want me to. I refuse to sacrifice
what I believe in for the sake of "self-advancement".
-Before today, I don't think I'd ever realized just how profoundly comforting
a little hand-written "Help Wanted" sign can be. That would
be the coolest place to work, too. Now I just have to keep on waiting...
something I enjoy oh-so-much. But at least now there's a substantial basis
for hope, something not to be taken for granted.
11 June 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Sunrises, ah, sunrises. Methinks it could
become a goal of mine to see every sunrise in the future - yes, every single
one, just for the feeling one gets from it. Especially 'round here, with
the silhouetted Sandias in their stark contrast with the gradually lightening
sky above. This is the type of spark that can single-handedly take a day
out of drudgery & into the boldness of inspiration.
-Schneider lives!
-Gris thought we were meeting at the OTHER Frontier Restaurant...
-Push back the move another week. Fish really MIGHT be the first person
to take up residence. So it goes.
-I still hate frisbee. Any game where one can cherry-pick that effectively
has to have problems. So much running, so little purpose. There's
just nothing satisfying about the game. Every other sport really satisfies
for some reason; makes one feel one has DONE something that justifies all the
wheezing & scurrying about. Frisbee yields nothing. Even less
than soccer. Though points to Anna for picking up on that anyway.
-I think all of my friends are going to end up being day-traders. We could
all live in one house with about ten computers & I'd come home from teaching
to see all the guys lined up at their stations, celebrating or distraught at
the day's gains or losses. I guess Gris wouldn't day-trade either; he'd
be too busy working his 20-hour day at PIRG. Or filming his brother. But
everybody else'd be swapping stocks the whole time. Because it seems to
be the thing they earnestly enjoy most. I think everyone should strive
to make a living doing what they earnestly enjoy most. Well, within reason.
Which, as I contended earlier today, has nothing (necessarily) to do with
the law.
Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers",
by SWClayton.