Bridge Over Troubled Water
(18-27 March 2001)
27 March 2001
-Watching the snow fall while I was at work was an extremely reassuring sequence. I was just comforted about the future, somehow. Inexplicable, like so many things. But I need to start writing again. & trying to get published. However silly & fruitless, it's good practice & better discipline.
-You've GOT to be kidding... this is a record? Unreal. With fries. I certainly have quite a bit to think about tonight. Maybe I'm not "freaked-out" per se, but how else does someone of my perspective react to such news? Not predictable indeed. "You & me, we come from different worlds..."
26 March 2001
-Need evidence that I broke outta my slump? It's right here, folks. I know the tourney was small, but look at the top speakers names - everyone who was good was there. A top-heavy tourney that we made it through. I can't believe they failed to refer to my partner as "Crack", though! If you see the results on the same page from Brown's tournament, that's ALL he's listed as!
-The slippery slope of discipline. I need some boots with traction!
-Inertia is a powerful force.
-"We had plowed this fallow ground before, and it struck me that nothing in our lives ever comes to absolute closure--not love, not betrayal, not the most inane episode of youth. We are surrounded by loose ends; we are awash in whys and maybes." -Tim O'Brien, "Tomcat in Love"... this quote has occupied my IM profile for a while, & I just wanted to document where it's been in my sentiments for the past few weeks. Though disturbing on the whole, the book has elements of insight that are quite remarkable. It's worth it just for the linguistic angle.
25 March 2001
-Life is making sense again. If only there weren't academics to muddy that all up. Pros outweighing cons by & large, however.
24 March 2001
[from Fairfield, Connecticut]
-Talking with Rob about booting & rallying was one of the funnier experiences of late. No means no!
-ZimZim isn't hearing no...
-Crack certainly lives up to his name & reputation. & I don't think we're winning any more rounds today. How can we if he's still drunk?
-Okay, maybe I don't completely stink at debating. Though the final-round PMC was terrible, but that's because it was an unprepped 7-way opp-choice, with 14 possible cases. But we had a blast & Crack's been in his first final round & things are just good. About time.
23 March 2001
-I'm not a competent person. I need to get my house in order. Yargh.
-But at least I have fun. Right?
22 March 2001
-Staring at my Physics test this morning, I came very close to putting down something equivalent to "why wouldn't it - physics just makes random guesses about things anyway!" in response to a "why..." question. It was about forces... asking me to justify certain forces. Physics thinks EVERYTHING in the universe is one big set of forces. I don't have to justify that - that's just the wrong they preach! It's tautological! I still think I did okay on the whole, though...
-Zimmy is nuts. & way the hey too overbearing.
-Thursdays without Physics labs are my kinda days.
-Still more pictures on the Friends page... Enjoy!
21 March 2001
-The roller coaster would appear to be universal. In various shapes & sizes. Hmph. Well I guess it's only fair. Or fair enough, at least. To coin a phrase.
-More fun pics at the debate team page! Someday, when I have a bit more time, I'm gonna transport highlights from those over here.
-Anyone know why Lisha's site appears to be down?
-There's really so many people in my life with so many positive influences to offer. It always surprises me. Just as I was thinking that Brandzy had forgotten me entirely, he reappears & he & Michelle & I have an amazing conversation that I at least found reassuring. No, I haven't solved everything, but as Michelle put it, it sounds like (with my thesis) I have a plan. Maybe it's good enough. I doubt it, but hey. Perhaps it's just the gorgeous orange sunrise that's making me feel better. I honestly don't know for sure. That's at least keeping me in tune with my need for the backpack hike simplicity feeling. I'm just more at peace. Maybe I feel that since my next year is going in the right direction, the years that follow will, well, follow. How to get to the ideal? I just need to keep grappling.
20 March 2001
-I'll admit it - yesterday was incomprehensibly bad. Mostly because of the way my mind works. But I just need to get my house in order, to steal a notion from Russell A. I'm questioning darn near everything & that's going to yield some odd results. But the edgy walk-the-plank feeling is receding. Which means I'll actually be able to open up about this more in the coming hours or days.
-It's so beautifully bizarre to have that kind of support in my life. New, but infinitely reaffirming.
-What a meeting... but really with solidly good results all around. Phew.
19 March 2001
-"But I'm not wishy-washy ever--especially not this week!" -Stina
-If they took March off the calendar, would there always be a month that's like this, or would it just evaporate? I'm all for a Poland-style annexation of March by February & April. Although April always turns out to be the cruellest month. This backsliding is no good whatsoever. Ay, the trepidity.
-Stabilizing? Let's not push it. I've already spoken too soon once in the past 3-4 days. It's just like I've always said, like I talked about last night... prepared for something & it won't happen; not prepared & it will.
18 March 2001
-There seems to be something looming that I just can't shake. One (Marx, perhaps) might say that a specter is haunting Storey. But I dunno if it's that quite. & I wouldn't feel this trepid about Communism. Maybe it's just a lamentable trend in my late-March life. I wish I could get a grasping handle on all this, but it just seems to be ethereal as per usual. I think I have some inklings though. No, thank you, I couldn't be more vague.
Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.