Two weeks into the pandemic, my wife and I learned she was pregnant. We’d been trying for months, but our joy was besieged by the threats and uncertainty of a world that was shutting down. Her pregnancy simultaneously revived long-held fears I harbored about my abilities as a father. How could a man with serious doubts about his gender identity serve as a role model for his boy? How could he foster a secure, comfortable childhood in the wake of his own youthful instability? How could he offer unconditional love while still struggling with the effects of heartbreak, suicidality, and trauma?

In FORTY WEEKS IN 2020: A FUTURE FATHER FACES HIS FEARS, I address these and other questions directly to my unborn son as I await his arrival. Each week is a new chapter, where I engage my concerns about our future while sharing stories of my past and the upheaval of the present. This 100,000-word memoir chronicles a year marked by global plague and domestic unrest, as well as a personal journey that concludes in a West Virginia hospital a week before Christmas.

This work is complete and awaits an audience of anxious parents, trauma survivors, and those looking to make sense of 2020 as a societal moment. A draft of this book was my master's thesis at West Virginia University, earning me an MFA in Creative Nonfiction.

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