{"id":3991,"date":"2020-03-16T09:35:29","date_gmt":"2020-03-16T14:35:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/?p=3991"},"modified":"2020-03-16T09:35:29","modified_gmt":"2020-03-16T14:35:29","slug":"its-not-you-its-social-distancing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/archives\/3991","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s Not You, It&#8217;s Social Distancing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/NotYouSocDistance.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"512\" height=\"341\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3992\" srcset=\"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/NotYouSocDistance.jpg 512w, http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/NotYouSocDistance-300x200.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I just need a little space. Six feet at all times, to be precise.<\/p>\n<p>I need a few weeks alone to find out who I really am.<\/p>\n<p>I love you, I\u2019m just not ready to share my last box of Cheez-Its with you.<\/p>\n<p>You deserve someone with more stockpiled toilet paper than me.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not ready for anything serious in my life. Besides trying to survive a global pandemic.<\/p>\n<p>I think we\u2019re better off as just friends. And I\u2019m not spending any time with my friends.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m afraid of commitment. Like spending the next three months quarantined in the same apartment.<\/p>\n<p>Netflix and chill was great, but I\u2019m not ready for Netflix and freak out.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not allowed to date my co-workers. And now we\u2019re both working from home.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t want to hurt you. *coughs*<\/p>\n<p>I think we should see other people. Not touch them, just see them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I just need a little space. Six feet at all times, to be precise. I need a few weeks alone to find out who I really am. I love you, I\u2019m just not ready to share my last box of Cheez-Its with you. You deserve someone with more stockpiled toilet paper than me. I\u2019m not [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3992,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,89,16,20],"tags":[5,90,59,62],"class_list":["post-3991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-day-in-the-life","category-mcsweeneys-rejects","category-politics-n-a-strife-of-interests-masquerading","category-primary-sources","tag-a-day-in-the-life","tag-mcsweeneys-rejects","tag-politics-n-a-strife-of-interests-masquerading","tag-primary-sources"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3991"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3991\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3993,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3991\/revisions\/3993"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluepyramid.org\/storey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}