(7-16 May 2001)
16 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-Lisha comes through with a reminder of the caterpillar invasion from yesteryear, but leaves out the punchline to the story involving Matt "Action" Jackson & a shiny quarter. Ah well, it's best left to the countless retellings in person.
-There are SO MANY good stories from way back when, come to think of it. I mean, wow. Jaque asked me the other day when we stopped living & started remembering, & we ended up agreeing that it's been a gradual fluctuation & we still have lots of times to remember that we're living right now. But the memories often take the cake, I'll concur.
-I was gonna link Mesco's new somewhat daily update page, but she hadn't updated in nearly a month. But now she's back, so here we go. So maybe I'll get around to a more formal link when I get home. By the way, where is Schneider's page?!
-No matter what everyone says, 9 is NOT that many!! Or at the very least, not enough. Clearly.
15 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-I think I have a sudden renewed vigor to become a columnist. I dunno how seriously anyone should take this, but I remember that being fun, & it would add just the right amount of deadline & routine to my writing without staling (not stalling, staling, as in making stale) my life too much. Journalism still has a soft spot in my career-heart (is there such a thing?), but it's the editing I don't like. I only became an Advocate editor so I could stop people from editing my stuff blindly. (&, of course, so I could fill the paper with headlines like "Six-Year-Olds Should Kiss". Where IS Ryan Duryea now?) Regardless of which, it's been on my mind... if I get well-respected enough, then maybe I won't be over-edited. How does one get in on the ground floor of column-writing?
-Fish may have thought I was sleeping during his little sidewalk (eco)pledge-drive, but I was actually putting the finishing mental touches on my novel plot. No working title yet & not a word written, but that all begins when I return. I really think it's solid... just worried that it might be too "poppy". I think I fear that criticism more from my friends than from anyone else, knowing some of them. The style, however, shall strive to avoid such a poppy flair.
14 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-Who was I kidding saying that that made me happy? Re-reading it now, it looks a little fishy. I think I meant that I HAD to be happy for something like that, if it were to work out. What do you tell 2 people you really respect & like when you think they've made a mistake? NOTHING! It's like "What's in the box?... NOTHING!". Where is Raj when I need him?
-I'll really try to stop talking about the above. It just hit me like a blindsiding freight train. I guess it shouldn't have. The focus should be the clean slate summer with lots of writing to do. Maybe this will put me in just the right mix of world-bitterness & calm reticence to write the perfect novel. I fear that if I don't write in a critical mood, I won't end up saying anything. & maybe that's all the explanation I need. Don't make it easy to take. Sheesh, Fish's & Jake's "cowboy music" is rubbing off on me.
-Dialogue from Fish's 3-2 series win over me in foosball this evening at UCSD's Porter's Pub... me: "Is that a Red?" Fish: "I think it's a Bass." me: "Does it have fish in it?" Fish: "It feels like it!"
13 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-Must... stop... thinking... about everything. But some things more than other, y'know? I fear you might.
-Happy Mother's Day! After talking to Mom, it looks like there might be a shot at the Apt. o'Fun next year.
-Suddenly we discover that, after years of thinking it's something else, a love of avocado is really all that's been at the heart of my friendship with Fish & Jake. Who knew? Maybe this is somehow linked to guacamole being left in Pandora's Box.
-Going to Disneyland yesterday so soon after the Mariner's game on the 9th is packing my days with almost as much fun & friends as I can stand. This is the LIFE!
-& Lauren, for those wondering, is certainly cool. Almost as cool is just seeing Fish with a girlfriend... it's so good to see friends uniquely happy.
-Wow. How about THAT? I just live in my own little world & watch others bounce off each other, apparently. Where'd that come from? I'm happy on one level, but you know all the other levels too. See the top comment from today's list & you'll begin to understand.
-Yar! Thar be narwhals! Har har.
-I've waited 2 solid years to get back to Disneyland to, among other things, eat this blessed vegetarian gumbo! Maddy may think it's laughable that gumbo could be meatless, but this is some of the best stuff I've ever tasted. &, as Jake would remind you, it comes in a breadbowl, which is how (Jake's view here) everything should be served.
-This Fastpass stuff is where it's at. It's a whole new experience!
-We finally got the picture, about 1,400,000 photos too late. Yup, that's about 1.4 million Splash Mountain terror shots since Fish & I were in stark contrast to happy 4-year-olds on that godforsaken ride. But now we had our own log & a photo to match.
-I can't believe FISH was REALLY the one to get us to go BACK to Splash Mountain! Maybe there was something in the mint julep. Besides mint, which is hard to imagine.
11 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-Looking back on the past few days, I can't believe the way I said goodbye to a couple of people. My leaving Zimmy & Drew, for example, & even Brandzy & Zirkin was haphazard. I feel bad, but I also feel awfully good knowing that (with help) I took care of storage myself & saw the boxes to their destination, so I don't have to worry about that.
-Ay, the dubiosity of my dreams. For at least 2 reasons. The cast of characters was unfathomably long & thorough, often inspiring surprise & disgust. But the prominence of the starring role is not to be overlooked. Or wondered about. I am not worried, I am not overly concerned. Or something.
-It's a little disorienting to sleep this much in the past 24 hours, but methinks I needed it. Also odd is being alone in this apartment & not having an idea of what today looks like. I think I finally get to meet Lauren, though. Stay tuned.
-How about THAT? So now it looks like I'll be speaking to everyone from the past with the consistent glaring exception. Crazy stuff. I think things between Jenny & I always looked like objects do seen through a fishtank: they APPEAR to be in one place, but whenever one reaches for them, they've actually been somewhere else all along. Distortion all around. But change is THE constant, as I've already been so aware of & just keeps building.
10 May 2001
[from San Diego]
-Nikki is my hero. Stina & Russ are also heroes. & saying goodbye to all of them almost at once was not exactly my favorite moment. Probably not even heroic.
-I am the emotional gobstopper, yet one more time. I'm sure it won't be the last time. But I just slept 7 hours throughout both flights, so hopefully I'll be feelin' better. Or at least ready to feel better soon. & it's summer!
-The cool thing about a life of missing someone all the time is that you're almost always just ending a period of missing someone ELSE. Case in point right here. Even if there's been slight changes... I daresay there's at least one element of Fish & I circa now that our 8th grade selves would've sworn to high heaven would never come about. But that's what happens when you let beings live out their own lives with free will.
-Pete IS Art Alexakis. But probably doesn't write songs.
9 May 2001
-Lisha & I always have a ton to talk about.
-I can't believe I just saw Brad & Secord (not only playing basketball with them) for possibly the last time in a very very long time. They both are off to the midwest & MIGHT come back for our tourney next year. Unreal. Just like college to take people that you really see a fair amount of rather closely & whoosh them away at an unlikely moment.
-I have SO much to do in the next 36 hours. & no energy right now. Eek.
8 May 2001
-After thinking about it for a while, I've realized that there's one thing I must never again do with a date: go to the Kendall Square Cinema! It's a 3-for-3... every girlfriend I've had during my Brandeis tenure has been lost within a short time after attending a film at said Cinema. Yikes. It's my second moratorium in dating... the first being Moody Blues concerts. Ah, I love jokes that aren't funny.
-What am I going to do if Russ goes to Fordham Law?
-Reminder to self: this summer (earlier than later), in addition to writing a novel, I must complete the "vomit-cycle" short story. Or at the very least include said story in the novel somehow. Also pivotal is finishing the Jesus scifi story. My writing work-table is set!
-Does anyone know what the connecting part of one's tongue (at the base of the tongue, connected to the floor of your mouth) is called? Just curious...
7 May 2001
-& speaking of college getting in the way of good uses of time at college, I just spent 9 hours hanging out with Russ & Nikki, who were exactly the right people to hang out with & talk through all this stuff. & yes, I'm fine. I'm doing okay. It's weird, but it's bound to be. & life is such a bizarre mix of the beautiful & the difficult & the overwhelming that I just collapse 'neath the weight of its wonder. That's not always positive, but it usually is. Just gotta stay focused on the big picture. I just wish I had Nikki's faith that it all will work out & Russ's patience. Right now, I'm well short on both, but still tingling with awareness & connection & that's good enough for this sunrise.
Introspection, My Worst
Ye Olde Archive (Past)
Tell me this is not the end...*
*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.