And Last
(18-27 December 2000)

27 December 2000
[from Glasgow, Scotland]
-Every now & then, I become pretty sure that I've figured out why Buddha was smiling so cryptically.  Or at the very least, I'm getting the same joke.  It helps to be sitting in an airport, observing.  If only someone had given Buddha a CD player.
-Maybe I know more people than I typically consider.
-It's freaking freezing in here!
-Snowing in Albuquerque when I leave; snowing in Glasgow when I arrive.  Coincidence?  With my current sense of time, it wouldn't surprise me if it's all the same.
-I feel as tired as Kate looks.

26 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-"Finding Forrester" was fantastic.  Go see it!  Really.  This one's a real winner.  Or maybe I'm just a sucker for anything involving writers.  But everyone in the theater liked it too.
-I cannot believe I'll be out of here in 5 hours.  I feel like I should have more to do.  Packing never compels me till about 30 minutes before I have to leave... once I'm packed, there's really nothing to do BUT leave.  So it's weird to pack in advance.  The Frontier reopens at 6:30 & I'm leaving at 8... this creates a dilemma, no?  Maybe I'll just dash through the Frontier.  I'd always like a last bite of NM food before the wilds of Scotland kick in.
-So, like you can see above, I'm outta here.  Bound for Scotland.  Updates, unless I find a random computer terminal somewhere that's free for a while, will be here upon return.  Which should be in about 10 days.  So.  Let's hope I have a decent trip.  It'll mostly be fun, I hope.  Can't really argue with World debate championships.  Catch y'all on the flip side...

25 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-I love luminarias.  Almost more every year.
-Megan apparently lives in Stina's utopia.  Crazy.  Again, though, hanging out was indeed a bunch of fun.
-& so this is Christmas...
-Kate reports that she hates Scottish accents.  As I informed her, this might be a bit of a long week upcoming for her.
-Merry Christmas to all who wish a merry Christmas wished their way!

24 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Fish said something hilarious tonight & now I've entirely forgotten what it was.  It was one of those quotes for the ages & now it seems lost to the wilds of deleted memory.  Right there next to Brandzel's esteemed "digits" comment.  Oh well.
-Monopoly was a game CLEARLY not designed for college students.
-This revolving door of friends has really gotta stop spinning quite so fast.  I might not see Jake till May & that's just annoying - I just got here!  We were just getting used to hanging out again!
-Wanna give yourself a headache?  Try coming up with your 5 favorite songs of all-time.  You'll end up broadening it & broadening it & STILL feeling like you're leaving stuff out.  Yikes.  I'm not doing THAT again.
-The last thing I needed tonight was to be reminded how much I like an old computer game...

23 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-More confirmation that, no matter how long we go with minimal contact &/or extensive absence from each other, Lisha & I will always have a lot to talk about & be very comfortable with each other.  I think that's neat.  & we're both just way too busy anyway.  I haven't seen her that happy in a long time... it's really good to see her doing so well.  Let's hope this can keep up through the remainder of her Manager year.
-It's so funny how people's parents differ & the way they react.  Even funnier, perhaps, is our perceptions of how that'll be.
-Where has this break been going?  I could swear I just got here.
-I'm really not a fan of my friends drinking.  & I wouldn't even mind so much if they just drank & acted the way they normally act.  But instead of talking or playing games or doing something interesting, they tend to just fall asleep quickly after some mild laughs.  & that just doesn't get me going.  Johnny's comments on the subject seem more & more right.  & tonight, I was just bored.
-I hope not everybody drinks all the time in Scotland.  Otherwise, it could be more of the above.
-I need to fold bags now.  Luminarias are fun, even if it doesn't feel much like Christmas.
-The good news is I just got my passport.  The bad news is they misspelled my name.  My LAST name.  With an E!  Oh well.  I shall certainly live.  & in Scotland too!
-Suddenly, I have to be serious about things... I'm only here for about 60 hours till the trip...

22 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Most of today, I've felt utterly untennable.
-Those dreams last night were way too realistic.  & depressing.
-The passport issue is FINALLY resolved.  I hope, at least.  It looks good at this point, for the first time in quite a while.

21 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-Lengthy discussions like that are what life is ALL ABOUT.
-Comin' through in the clutch!  That's huge!  I feel like I just hit the buzzer-beater & we're going into overtime.  Maybe things work out after all.  I think I always have to hit the brink, though... it's like writing papers or something. To quote the late Everclear album's final track,  "Our lives are gonna get better, things are gonna be better..."
-Time to figure out a few things.  Many of my friends, most in Beantown for college oddly enough, have been discussing their need for greater patience.  I'm mixed on the subject... I do agree that it would be a good discipline for me to acquire, but I can't help but feel that increased patience would lead simply to even greater increased NEED for patience; that it's some sort of vicious cycle or something.  I get worried about things like that & I'd place it in the same category as some of my jinx-suspicions.  One never really knows, though.  It's always the not knowing.  But I wouldn't mind picking up some patience... something this universally yearned for must have some positivity to it.
-Today's been great so far & we're only 10 & a half hours in.
-Even weirder than the above, it's now 10:14 PM instead of am & I'm home!  That's just nutty.  Methinks this is the first time I've been home at this time this break.  Really.  & my parents aren't even here.  Ay, the craziness.
-2 grades in.  Not symbolic logic yet.  So far so good.
-Careful what you write in yearbooks.  It lives on FOREVER.

20 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-I suppose the card Brooke had on her mantle was supposed to be "random".  Like everything else in this life.
-Gris has a crazy number of people see him whenever he comes into town.  An entourage with no real rival.  Due to interesting plane-timing, he also had Jill Pena, Ariel Ashe, & Liz Goodman there to meet him tonight... not really, but you know what I mean.  Dubiosity on a stick, neatly wrapped, et cetera, et cetera.  Hmph.  Anyway, it's good to have the Griser & Freez-Bop back in town... things are feeling right with that part of the world again.
-The potential of driving home is always mitigated by the reality of the night that lies in wait.  It's the silence that does it.  & the feeling of emptiness against the backdrop of so much potential & such better days.  My mind is a weird place & I just don't ever feel quite comfortable there with no one to share, well, anything with.
-All sense of chronology within each day on this page has been obliterated.
-So who will join me in thinking that Fish is a crackfiend?  He ranks dental visits a 6 on a 10-pt. scale of quality of experiences.  After my teeth-cleaning yesterday, I am even more certain how bonkers he is.
-Time is passing rather quickly, given that I actually do have to get a couple things done before Scotland.
-Will they please post my grades already?  For the love of the baby, it should not be taking this long.
-I get so resigned so fast.

19 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]
-I can't believe I'm going to Worlds in a week.  It doesn't even seem real.  Scotland.  How 'bout that.
-I just received 2 very depressing e-mails... one from Schneider & one from Stina.  I feel I need to go put on "Walkaways" for about a year.  &, well, "Walk Away" for that matter.  Let Adam & Ben sort it out.
-I was gonna write some more e-mail tonight too.  But now I feel daunted.  & trepid.  & other things of a similar ilk.  Who was it that used the word "ilk" tonight?  I think it must've been Fish.
-Exit DK.  Freez & Gris are fast incoming.  As is a frickin' dental appointment.
-DK & especially Fish introduced me tonight to Miami Poker.  If you too want to get hooked on something unsafe, head for this here website & watch the heartache roll in.
-I ought not let those people get me down.  But I can't help but feel they're trying.  Though everyone else really is trying the opposite, I must imagine.  If only the priorities were a little bit different.
-I need to bet on bowling more often.  I was able to take a horrible 108 average into a 152 final game, just on the back of my pump-ed-ness for bets with Fish & Jake.  & I somehow pulled both of them out.  The REAL feat of the night, however, was converting the 5-10 split.  That launched me into a celebration that was a mite bit rowdy for my friends, but I was REALly pumped!
-Ariel thinks it would do me some good to fail a class.  I'll keep checking for my grades almost every minute, but I don't concur with her opinion.  Grad school or no, I'd like to pass everything.  & the only thing worse than Symbolic Logic would be taking it again!

18 December 2000
[from Albuquerque]

-A week out.  It better start feeling like Christmas... soon!
-Fish has way too much dirt on me.
-I got Brandzy to write!  I got Brandzy to write!  & it's during a break, too.  Unbe-freaking-lievable.  This is the stuff on which party-time is built.  Or maybe it's just built on guilt.
-Yesterday was awfully ominous for a 17th.
-"Vartus, Storey, vartus!" -DK
-Maybe if I put Everclear's "Overwhelming" on repeat, it'll start to actually sink into my brain & that'll get all sorts of proverbial balls rolling.  On Saturday night on the way to Garcia's, I told Fish & Jake something about a girl I know & Fish thought for a moment before asking what me from 5 years ago would've thought of what I'd said.  I had to admit I would've been disappointed with myself.  But, I said, maybe I could've rationalized it to myself nonetheless.  As I went on to explain, junior year in HS changed everything.  Irreparably, to an extent.  & I still don't know how to reconcile that with aspects of daily life.  Besides, of course, listening to "Overwhelming" with a wistful gleam in my mind.
-I should write a happy song.  Just to prove I can.

Introspection, My Worst Friend* (Current)
Ye Olde Archive (Past)

Tell me this is not the end...*


*-lyrics from an as-yet unreleased song, "The Same Old Frontiers", by SWClayton.